“The Mirror and the Window” — Understanding Ourselves Without Becoming Prisoners of Our Past

Jun 29, 2026 Features / Columnists, News

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Why Understanding Ourselves Is Only the Beginning of Change

By Dr. Eon Andre George, PhD, EdD

(Kaieteur News) – Every family has at least one sentence that has been repeated for so many years that nobody even questions it anymore. “That’s just how we are.” “Everybody in this family stubborn.””The men in this family don’t show emotion.” “You know how we does do things.”

Most of us hear these statements from childhood. They become part of the background music of life. We repeat them, laugh about them, and sometimes even wear them like badges of honor. Rarely do we stop to ask a simple question: Who decided that this is just the way we are?

Over the past nineteen articles, we have explored many of the invisible forces that quietly shape our thinking. We examined the psychology of poverty, politics, religion, parenting, masculinity, gossip, silence, shame, communication, family relationships, and the lifelong search for approval. Along the way one truth appeared again and again: people are influenced by history, but they are not imprisoned by it. Understanding where our patterns come from is important. Remaining there is not. That is where this journey must end.

The Stories We Inherit

Long before children understand psychology, psychology is shaping them. Children are constantly watching. They watch how adults solve problems, how they speak to one another, how they argue, how they love, how they grieve, how they respond to disappointment, and even how they speak about themselves. Little by little those observations become beliefs about how life works.

Psychologist Albert Bandura explained this through Social Learning Theory. Bandura demonstrated that human beings learn far more by observation than by instruction. In other words, children often become who they repeatedly observe long before they become who they are told to be.

This explains why a child raised in a home where conflict is settled through shouting may later raise their own voice without realising where the habit originated. Another child may grow up watching a parent suppress every emotion and later struggle to tell a spouse, “I love you.” Others learn that money is always scarce, people cannot be trusted, or asking for help is weakness. None of these lessons may have been intentionally taught. They were simply lived. One generation models them. The next generation normalises them. Eventually they become culture.

The Mirror

One afternoon a father became frustrated with his ten-year-old son. The child answered sharply, slammed a door, and walked away. The father immediately shouted, “Don’t you ever speak to me like that!” An elderly relative sitting quietly nearby smiled and asked a simple question. “Who you think he learning it from?” The room fell silent.

That moment illustrates one of psychology’s most uncomfortable truths. The behaviours that frustrate us most in other people are often reflections of behaviours we have unintentionally modelled ourselves. This is where psychology becomes a mirror. The purpose of a mirror is not to shame us. Its purpose is to help us see ourselves clearly enough to make adjustments.

Many people spend years trying to change spouses, children, churches, communities, governments, and workplaces without ever asking whether the first place change should begin is within themselves. That realisation requires humility. But it also creates hope.

Awareness Is the Beginning of Change

Psychologist Daniel Goleman argues that self-awareness is the foundation of Emotional Intelligence. Before people can regulate emotions, build healthier relationships, or communicate effectively, they must first recognise the patterns operating within them.

This sounds simple, but it is remarkably difficult. Many people believe they are simply “being themselves” when in reality they are repeating emotional habits learned decades earlier. The person who constantly expects disappointment may believe they are being realistic. The person who struggles to trust others may believe they are simply cautious. The parent who only knows criticism may genuinely believe they are encouraging excellence. Without awareness, learned behaviour often feels like personality. That is why understanding psychology matters. It helps people distinguish between who they truly are and what they have simply learned.

The Window

Fortunately, psychology does not end with diagnosis. It ends with possibility. Modern neuroscience has shown that the human brain possesses an extraordinary ability known as neuroplasticity. Simply put, the brain continues changing throughout life. New experiences, healthier relationships, counselling, education, repeated practice, and intentional habits literally reshape neural pathways.

Think of an old footpath running through a field. The more people walk that path, the easier it becomes to follow. But if a new path is walked consistently, eventually it too becomes well worn. The brain works much the same way. Old emotional habits can be replaced by healthier ones. People who grew up around constant criticism can learn encouragement. People raised in fear can learn confidence. People surrounded by emotional silence can learn vulnerability. History leaves fingerprints. It does not lock the door.

Someone Has to Be First

An elderly gentleman once shared that his father never hugged him. His grandfather never hugged his father either. For generations the men in the family believed providing financially was the only affection children needed. Years later, when his first granddaughter was born, something changed. He held her close. He kissed her forehead. He whispered, “I love you.” When someone asked why he had chosen to do something no man in his family had ever done, he smiled and answered, “Somebody had to be first.”

That may be one of the most powerful sentences in all of psychology. Every healthier family began with someone who decided to become the first. The first to apologise. The first to seek counselling. The first to forgive. The first to stop shouting. The first to say, “I love you.” The first to break the cycle.

Understanding Behaviour Through Context

As this series comes to a close, perhaps its greatest lesson is not that people are shaped by history. We already knew that. Its greatest lesson is that history explains us without having to define us. Understanding our past should never become permission to remain there. It should become the starting point for choosing differently. Because in the end, psychology does not merely tell us why we became who we are. It reminds us that we still have the remarkable ability to become someone better.

We cannot rewrite the chapters we inherited.
But every one of us holds the pen for the chapters still to come.

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• Change, Dr. Eon Andre George, Prisoners of Our Past

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