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Facebook know more about yuh than yuh own mother
Dem Boys Seh…
(Kaieteur News) – Dem boys seh Facebook turn into a real old-time village gossip with a smartphone. Long time, if you wanted to know somebody business, you had to sit down by a shop corner, listen to two old people chatting, or wait until the neighbour wife pass and “accidentally” stop by yuh gate for three hours.
Today, Facebook doing all the hard work. Social media does know who born when, who get married, who break up, who eating what, and who pretending to be happy.
But de biggest trap is birthday. Once upon a time, a birthday was a private thing. If you wanted people to know, you tell them. If you wanted peace, you keep quiet and enjoy yuh cake without a crowd showing up with empty hands and big appetites.
But Facebook ain’t allowing that anymore. The moment yuh birthday arrive, the whole world does know. Before yuh eyes open good, the greetings start coming: “Happy Birthday, have a blessed day!” “Wishing you many more years!” “Stay strong and beautiful!”
Some of these people ain’t call yuh since the last election. Some of them ain’t even know if yuh still alive. But Facebook remind them, and suddenly they remember yuh exist. Dem boys seh some friendship today is not built on memories; it is built on a notification.
And then there are those who does actually go and search out your birthday. They studying Facebook like it is a bank statement. They checking the date, saving the information, and waiting for the opportunity.
Because when birthday day come, suddenly you hear a knock at the gate. “Hey, I was just passing through and decided to check you.”
Dem boys seh Guyana does have the most creative “passing through” in the world. A man could live at Diamond and somehow be “passing through” East Coast. A woman could live in Kitty and somehow be “in the area” at Mahaica.
And the funniest part? They come empty-handed. No bottle. No cake. No card. Not even a gift.
But they come with a healthy appetite and a powerful thirst. “Boy, you cooking anything today?”
Of course, they know you cooking. Facebook already tell them. Facebook is the messenger, the invitation card, and the gossip auntie all rolled into one.
Dem boys seh soon Facebook might start sending reminders: “Your friend birthday tomorrow. Please remember to carry a gift, not just your stomach.”
Because nowadays, the only thing bigger than the birthday greeting is the crowd that come to eat the birthday food.
Talk half. Leff half.
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