Santa bring some late Christmas gifts for Dem Boys and Gyals

Jan 01, 2020 News

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De year 2019 was a ruff, ruff year. Dem boys blame Charrandass who sit down at the same table with Khemraj and eat out de Parliament food and then vote wid de Opposition. He coulda wait till this year.
Whole year de people was at the edge of their seat watching de no-confidence drama. Dem boys and gyals learn a lot. Words like dual citizenship and house-to-house and even Uncle Glenn and Adam introduce some new cuss words.
Patto was dem boys’ friend. He used to write letters to the editor from he GECOM desk that mek Uncle Freddie look like a child…some long, long words that had dem boys and gyals checking de Thesaurus.
After the court tell Patto he can’t stay because he squatting at GECOM illegally, Soulja Bai and Bharrat agree on de Claudette gyal.
De ‘Iron Lady’ then had all the boys and gyals at GECOM dancing because she ain’t tekking no sides.
She look at dem sideways and when she done, she mek she decision. De Claudette gyal don’t drink about the place.
But the year had other things that important. Like de oil. When people talk about oil, fuh de housewife is cooking oil, fuh de mechanic, is engine oil, fuh dem night people, is lubricant.
For de politicians, is money in dem pocket; fuh dem newspaper like de Waterfalls paper, is a better life for all.
But dem boys and gyals believe that is true some of the politicians wukking with de oil companies as PR consultants…dem is de spokes people.
Tek de short politician for example. He seh he is an expert on foreign policy. He is a good talker. He decide to cuss de Waterfalls paper. He seh how dem at de paper racial.
Is then dem boys know when you write about Africa is racial you racial. De problem is he decide to hide at another newspaper and tek a swipe at dem boys and gyal.
Dem boys not afraid. In de past, dem tek on taller politicians to mek sure Guyana get a better deal.
Anyhow, this is Christmas. Santa and he Caribbean wife still sharing gifts. All dem boys and gyals get in. Uncle Adam, Nigel, Glenn and Gildarie get two bottle vodka each.
Santa also bring gifts for de other boys and gyals…
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ExxonMobil

-Santa bring a Bible, a Quran and a Bhagavad Gita for de ExxonMobil people. De intention is fuh de oil company grow a conscience and correct the abomination what dem mek Guyana sign tying dem pickney, grand pickney and great, great, great pickney in debt.

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Opposition Leader, Bharrat Jagdeo

-Santa bring two gifts for Bharrat…a white robe and lie detector machine. Santa seh he listen to Bharrat and can’t believe this is the same man he listen to in 2011. He talking about contracts and corruption like is the Coalition bring it to Guyana. The white robe is for he to wear when he preaching and the lie detector machine is fuh signal him when he talking. Of course, dem boys seh every word he talk is a lie.

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PPP’s Presidential Candidate, Irfaan Ali

-Santa bring a GPS kit for Irfaan. You see, Santa never went to university, and he want to know which part of the West Coast de university deh that Irfaan went to.
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Carl Greenidge

-Santa understand that dem boys and gyals don’t really pay attention to people who dem can’t see.
So Santa bring a cushion fuh he sit on and high-heeled shoes.

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President David Granger

-Santa like Soulja Bai. He bring de President two pillows. One fuh church and one for he office. You see, Soulja Bai understand the power of prayer. He always pray for forgiveness for he people and de Opposition. The pillows is for he to kneel on to pray longer.

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Minister Simona Broomes

-Santa watch de restaurant video and see how de minister get upset and throw down de barriers. But he also see how dem chuck she in a backroom somewhere in OP. Santa bring she a bunch of keys, fuh a bigger office.
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Bus Drivers

-Whole year dem boys and gyals complain about dem bus drivers. Dem not only speeding but killing people. Dis year, Santa bring CCTV cameras for Government to put on dem roads.
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Public Infrastructure Minister, David Patterson

-Santa like David. He bring a passport from de Premier of China. De minister is now honorary citizen of China thanks to de wuk wid de Chinese contractors in Guyana.
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Finance Minister Winston Jordan

-Santa bring from the North Pole some furs and special leather jackets. He understand de minister is thin skin.
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Mayor Ubraj Narine

-Whole year, dem boys and gyals see photos of de Mayor jumping in trench and cleaning. Santa want de Mayor to continue he wuk so he brought de Mayor two pairs of long boots and three shovels, to clean out City Hall of dem rogues.
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Glenn Lall

-Santa like Uncle Glenn. He does talk he heart. He cuss de whole year. Santa bring a puzzling cup so every time Glenn cuss is $5,000 he gotta put in. Is either he cuss in private or he cuss in he mind.
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Adam Harris

-Santa pay attention whole year to Adam. Adam want to leave de wuk and become a counselor. Is whole year, de whole of Guyana coming to sit down when Adam got to edit and talk to he about dem problems. Santa bring two chairs for Adam…one fuh he and one for de person complaining.
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Freddie Kissoon

-Santa bring a camera for Freddie home. Every year, if is not the people cleaning de drains, is de people not putting on streetlights who trying to spite Uncle Freddie. The camera is for Uncle Freddie to take de pictures.
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Justice (Ret’d) Claudette Singh

-Santa bring a metal hammer for de judge lady. He know as elections time come, she gotta make plenty decisions. De hammer is to bang on the desk when she ready to deliver her decisions. And if people challenge de hammer is to knock dem pon dem mouth.
She gon have to knock Hammer Benn and Shaddick pon dem mouth.
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Minister Khemraj Ramjattan

-Santa like Khemraj. De decisions he mek has to do with how people drinking. He close up de bars early and even tell de police to sit down outside to see which drunk driver peeing in the corner by the wall. Santa bring a pair of binoculars for Khemraj so he can join the police stakeout and see who peeing in the corner.
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-For the persons we have wronged this year…don’t worry, this year, is the same sk**nt again!

Happy New Year Guyana…!

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