Preventing Abusive Relationships

Dec 08, 2017 Letters

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DEAR EDITOR,
I am moved to pen this letter since I am very distressed at the daily loss of life, more than often is due to domestic violence – something that we as a nation cannot allow to happen.
I recall that as a conflict management Facilitator, I conducted a few workshops on “handling pain” and “domestic communication. The outcomes were amazing; to see participants share their pain with their spouses who for the first time realised what the other was going through.
I must admit that there are couples, whether by marriage or living together as common law spouses, who are very happy together. It is also true that many of these unions produce very unhappy couples, who sometimes behave violently toward one another. Domestic violence has already become a major social problem.
The term “domestic violence” generally refers to abusive or violent behaviour among people who are related by blood or marriage, but it can also include non-family members who live in the same home, such as boyfriends, girlfriends, and common law partners. All these scenarios are within the parameters of “domestic violence.”
Violence threatens safety and lives, and is something that is detested by people. Nonetheless, women and children are in the main the victims of abuse within the home, regardless of their nationality, cultural background, class, race, or living environment. If there is physical violence or verbal abuse on the part of the male or on the part of the female in a home, the result is always an unhappy family.
This is especially true since domestic violence almost always leads to a tragic end. What is even more frightening is the negative impact that domestic violence can have on the children’s personality and emotional development. Children who grow up in such abusive homes may repeat the abusive behaviour when they become adults. Thus, all women and children have the right to a non-violent home, and it is something that we should all aspire for in our society.
How do we solve the problem of domestic violence?
The solution to this problem is each member of the family must learn to love one another in a way that is consistent, generous, forgiving, respectful, and tolerant, for only by working harmoniously together can a family expect to maintain a peaceful and happy family life.
The family is a basic unit of society, and it should be a haven that is safe and warm for its members.
Many social problems arise from homes in which the husband and wife do not get along well. If there is violence in the family, such as the murder of a mother or father, physical violence between husband and wife, or abuse of the children, this becomes a problem for the rest of society. This is the reason why we must emphasize the importance of a husband and wife showing mutual respect and love to each other.
A husband must know how to love his wife if he is to be called a real husband, while a wife must know how to respect her husband if she is to be called a real wife. A married woman must be both a mother and a wife at the same time. She must in some respects play many other roles, such as minister, servant, and master. She must also pamper her husband sometimes as if he were her child. But husband and wife should also respect each other as such, and uplift each other as brother and sister. For his part, the husband must be tender with his wife. He must protect her bravely, and work for her as a father. He must bring humour and good cheer into the home and he must fulfil his duties to support his family.
This way their marriages will have a greater chance of becoming happy ones. My wish is that all homes be fortunate and happy. Indeed, we desire that all people in love will end up forming a family.
In most cases, if a marriage becomes unfeasible and incompatible like a mixture of fire and water, there may be a need for people to go their own separate ways. We must recognize that huge personality differences can make living together impossible. In such cases, it is better for people to go their own separate ways in good will than to stay together against someone’s wishes: “let the water go back to being water and the fire to being fire.”
Nowadays, there is a large number of young people and intellectuals who divorce and remain good friends with each other. I believe that this is much better than forcing people to stay together in marriage till the bitter end. Since relations between men and women are so important to the well-being of society, they must show respect for one another and become partners only if they are willing, for these are the conditions that will make society a happier place and the world more beautiful.
Pandit Chrishna Persaud JP, FILS

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