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Help! A thing is after me!

Dec 04, 2008 Features / Columnists, Freddie Kissoon

My real name is Mandela Gandhi. The people at UG know that. There is no such person as Freddie Kissoon. I took that name from the Trinidad playwright, Freddie Kissoon, famous for the well admired Caribbean drama, “Calabash Alley.” From tomorrow this section on this page will be re-titled, “The Mandela Gandhi column.”

Why have I decided to drop my sobriquet? A visiting psychiatrist offered a long explanation. It was so long that the guy should put it in book form.

I do not know where to start in my outline of what I heard. In brief, the psychiatrist made a distinction between an anonymous writer who genuinely wants to expose wrongdoing at a site but is afraid of dismissal or harm.

The expert said such a posture in a human is perfectly understandable. He then flowed about persons who carry on a long career attacking fellow human beings under false signature. Here I was given a lesson in psychology though I must admit some of it I read about.

Anonymous cuss-down columnists (there can be no such thing on television unless the person goes on the screen with a bag over his/her face; Rupert Murdoch may be thinking of such a commentator) suffer from certain types of identity crisis.

The first one is that the person may not have a specific gender and therefore is neither man, woman, straight, homosexual or bi-sexual. The person is “a thing”. Such “a thing” hates people but most of all, “it” despites people who have achieved a goal in life; people who are known or people who are constantly talked about.

The “thing” wants to be talked about too but is scared to be known because “it” is ashamed of the identity maelstrom “it” lives in. So they throw all they have at well known citizens in the society. Really, a sad case of human nature gone wrong. The second category is about humans who are failures in life.

They cannot face the real world, real people. So what they do is that they live a life of venom, spewing hate, invectives, scatology at those with a name in society. They wanted a name too but character flaws killed that quest.

So politicians, academics, sports personalities, prominent citizens are all “cuss down” by this peculiar species. A third classification has to do with growing up. This one I found interesting.

Apparently, if there is an only child in the home and is brought up by a single parent, the offspring clings to his/her mother’s petticoat all the time. What emerge in that persona are the instincts of fear and hiding.

The person is essentially a coward who takes refuge under his/her mother’s dress. This type of human does not want to come out in the open. I was given three more descriptive types but space would not allow for further discourse.

One thing I know about cuss-down anonymous bloggers and abusive anonymous columnists, and this is a monumental scientific fact (using the term science is a stretched way), they would never, and I repeat, never, I emphasize never, let their spouses and children know that they are the writers of the miasma that they pen.

They would never allow that to happen. Imagine your daughter, son or wife or husband knows that you are the person who writes such filth that is accessible to the entire world. For this reason it would be fun to expose them.

I was given a list of anonymous bloggers and asked to publish their names on this page. I wouldn’t do that. The paper and I could end up in court if we do not have proof. But once I get that proof then readers should know who these species are.

We come now to one of the Peeping Toms in yesterday’s edition of KN. I truly cannot say if this particular Peeping Tom is he, she or it. But he, she or it appears to be a psychiatrist.

He, she or it claimed that to have been undertaking psychological analysis of me and the research reveals that I am an insecure person.

I admit that because I was writing under the pen name, Freddie Kissoon which indicates a large insecurity complex. Why else would someone use a false name? Now that I have come clean, I am no longer insecure.

My real name is Mandela Gandhi (my middle name is Gorbachev). Can that Peeping Tom for yesterday come out of their insecurity complex and come clean like me?

That Peeping Tom concluded the column by saying that he, she or it is coming after me. I’m afraid. I think I will stop writing. I know I am a coward.

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