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Mar 11, 2012 Features / Columnists, Food For Thought
How often do you think about a past event with sadness, regret, or anger? Whether it’s a bitter breakup, a surprise layoff, or words we regret having said (or not said), constantly wishing we could magically change what has already happened only keeps us stuck and brings us a lot of pain to boot.
While you probably know it’s unhealthy to hold on to the past, you may not realize why. Here’s one reason that should be at the top of the list: When you choose to live in the past, you’re operating with less than 100 percent of your energy in the present.
Holding on to anything for a long time takes energy and attention. Constantly bending your mind backwards in time is no different. Whether you’re consciously aware of it or not, refusing to let go and move on divides your attention and saps your energy. It’s like trying to water your garden with a hose that has holes in it. Only a trickle of that precious life-giving nutrient can come through. If you’re tired, depressed, or unexcited about life, hanging on to old regrets at deep levels could be a hidden factor.
One way to reclaim your energy is to plug the holes and say goodbye to those energy-draining regrets. Rather than facing endings with bitterness, regret, or even hatred, try these four energy-boosting tips and tools for honoring the endings in your life so you can let go and move forward more quickly.
Be grateful for the gift wrapped up in the ending.
Graduation ceremonies are called “commencement” exercises because they mark not just the end of a level of schooling but the beginning of a new era. Life is a schoolroom and our endings can be graduations, too, though at first they may not feel that way. Endings can be life’s way of showing us that we have learned one lesson and are ready for the next, or that we’ve exhausted the possibilities one situation has to offer and we need a change of scene to bring new opportunities. Every ending holds its own gift. Opening your mind and heart to receiving it, even if the gift is not evident right away, will help you greet the new beginnings waiting for you.
Stop blaming yourself.
One of the subtle reasons we don’t move on is that we blame ourselves for unhappy endings. Like children whose parents argue, separate, or abandon them, we may lay the blame at our own feet to make sense of what happened. “What’s wrong with me?” we ask. “Why did I let this happen?” Perhaps you could have done something to prevent what happened. Perhaps not. Either way, life is a learning curve and our endings are some of the best teachers we’ll ever have.
Accept what is and let go of the need to know.
Have you ever felt that you must see justice done or understand why something happened in order to move on? The truth is, you may never discover the why behind an incident. Does that mean you should wait to forgive and to be at peace?
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