What’s wrong with being a feminist?

Feb 25, 2011 Features / Columnists, Stella Says

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“I do not wish women to have power over men; but over themselves.”
This is a quote by British author and feminist Mary Wollstonecraft whose life spanned from 1759 to 1797. The philosophy of this quote is one by which I live my life and the catalyst for my advocacy for women. There is one primary reason I feel so strongly about this philosophy – it is because I want my daughters to be accepted as equals by society, regardless of their gender.
I received an email from someone named Sasenarine Deonarine on February 13 after I wrote my first (and probably only) column on cooking. This is what the email said, “Dear Stella, Greetings, I read your article about cooking and was very glad to know that you still have some female characteristics left and you can cook delicious food for your family so that they can taste a mother’s love, something the world’s children are craving for, causing lots of them to become abusive when they grow up, you should now focus your attention encouraging mothers to pay more attention to their home, thank you.”
Female characteristics? I suppose one is to assume that my strong advocacy for women means that I have lost my feminine traits. Or because I can debate and write as well as a man, I must therefore behave more masculine than feminine? Is there something wrong with being a feminine feminist? Moreover, who is to say that cooking or caring for children are feminine qualities?
The overall feeling one gets from this email is that its author would prefer I spend less time encouraging women to take their rightful place in society as leaders in the workplace, politics, religion, etc., and more time writing on the stereotypical “feminine” topics of how to get spots out of the laundry and how to apply eye shadow.
But let me make this clear, I enjoy writing on political and social issues even more than I enjoy cooking – and I enjoy cooking quite a bit. I will not be writing on fashion or how to get over the terrible twos, because I have no interest in writing on those topics. I was not hired by Glenn Lall to write on those topics. I was hired to do exactly what I am doing.
What is sorely missing in Deonarine’s email is the responsibility of the father to cook and “pay more attention to their home.” Let’s be honest, if there is any gender that needs that type of encouragement, it is not the female gender. But I think Deonarine’s point was that my column focuses too much on empowering women instead of bowing to the archaic notions of expecting them to be only cooks and mothers.
True, until recently, women have been the ones to nurture the children and tend to the home while the men go out and do the hefty work of tilling the field or constructing a building. But look around now; modern jobs require less brawn and more brains – something women have in equal amounts as men.
It is time for humans to adapt to our new evolved state. It is time that men accept that women are more than what Deonarine insinuates in the aforementioned email.
Women should have the option to be more than mothers, just as men are more than fathers. In a good relationship where both partners are doing their share of the work at home, the man and the woman can find fulfillment with their roles, both inside and outside of the home.
Throughout history, any group of people subjugated because of race, gender, nationality, etc., have fought for their rights. People have the right and responsibility to fight to be treated fairly.
Minority races fight for their rights, marginalised populations fight for their rights, and women should fight for their rights.
I have noticed a couple rumblings here and there about my feminist leanings.
The word feminist is spoken like it is a bad word, like one should spit as the word is spoken. Here is the definition of feminism according to Webster’s Dictionary: the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes; organized activity on behalf of women’s rights and interests.
By this definition, I am most certainly a feminist and proud of it – as are millions of women and men around the world. I stand by the philosophy that I do not wish women to have power over men; but over themselves. I am not a man-hater. I am a woman who advocates for women.
For each marginalised group that has fought for their rights, their oppressors called them names, mocked them and treated them with even more contempt. I expect those who would rather women remain in the kitchen cooking and tending to the home will react the same towards women who take a stand for their rights. That is just fine, because the change has already started and it cannot be stopped now.
I do get frustrated when I see the patriarchal system stifle, demean, abuse and even murder women, but I have the patience and the passion to continue the struggle against those evils. I will just brush off those silly little comments about being a (spit) feminist and know that one day women will be equal – and safe.
It is my hope that by using my voice to tell women that being a wife or mother does not exclude you from being anything else you can dream of being, it will encourage other women to use their voices for the same thing.
And so, in response to Sasenarine Deonarine’s email, I will not be writing on those stereotypical “female” topics or focusing my “attention encouraging mothers to pay more attention to their home.”
Women have had those sexist notions drilled into them since birth. I have something completely different to tell them.
Email: StellaSays@gmail.com

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