Are you struggling with shame or shame paralysis? Part 1

Jan 25, 2026 Features / Columnists, News

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By Dr. Telford Layne Jr. PsyD, MSc. Postgrad, BSc.
Clinical and Developmental Psychologist – Psychoanalyst
Unwrapping Gift -Clinic

(Kaieteur News) – Shame is a powerful, self-evaluative emotion that causes a person to feel fundamentally flawed, worthless, or deeply unlovable, rather than just having done something wrong. It acts as a toxic internal state, driving intense psychological distress, social withdrawal, and a desire to hide. Chronic shame often leads to anxiety, depression, addiction, and perfectionism.

There is nothing to be ashamed of. You are allowed to make mistakes and manifest shortcomings. We are allowed to recognize them, accept, learn and move on with our lives without ascribing shame to ourselves or having others doing it. Shame is one of the single most effective methods of small trauma that keep most people stuck and in survival mode for years.

Shame is a painful, complex, and universal emotion resulting from the belief that one is fundamentally flawed, unworthy, or has violated social norms. It involves intense feelings of self-loathing, inferiority, and a desire to hide, often causing individuals to isolate or withdraw. Unlike guilt, which focuses on behaviors, shame focuses on the self. While guilt can be constructive—”I did something bad” (focus on behavior)—shame is destructive—”I am bad” (focus on identity.)

I am ADHD and dyslexic that came with hyperactivity, impulsivity, inattentiveness, procrastination which helped to destroy my marriage. I cannot read fluently in public and I cannot spell, unable to put words to sounds. I was diagnosed with dyslexia at 41. For about 37 years I think I was dunce and out of control and wild person yet accomplishing everything, enjoying nothing.

While I was struggled with shame a few years back– I remain paralyzed. On my way of becoming a psychologist, I wanted to be the best but was reminded that I failed at my marriage, can’t read and after behaviour modification still struggle in some areas of ADHD.

Then there are those, especially from the religious community, that made it a duty to remind me of my past, to keep me there because my journey offended them or was just unbelievable.

However, after my diagnosis I acquired a first degree, two masters, into the third at the University of London and a doctoral. Making deans scholar list and with distinction in Clinical Psychology specialization – psychoanalysis. I am a lecture at 2 universities, a private and public clinic helping people process their brokenness back to health. Now, I am saving marriages.

This is what SHAME looks and feels like.

A trauma inflected on others by our parents, caregivers and society. Shame is a tool used to keep us in check according to the standards and interpretation of the world.

The impact of shame is enormous for both short and long term on our mental health. It disrupts every aspect of your thinking, feelings, and behaviour towards yourself and others

Shame is strongly linked to mental health disorders:  depression, anxiety, PTSD, and eating disorders especially in females. Chronic shame is a primary driver for depression, social anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and eating disorders. It often creates a “shame-depression spiral” where feeling unworthy fuels depression, which in turn deepens the shame.

Shame causes its victim to internalize the belief that “I am a mistake,” rather than “I made a mistake”. This is the manifestation of low self-esteem & self-loathing:

Shame generates a fear of being seen, judged, or rejected and causes people to hide their true selves. This causes social withdrawal & isolation.

This is the most destructive impact of SHAME, defensiveness, aggression & narcissism: Masking profound shame with outward anger, blame, or an inflated ego to protect the self.This drives people to hide or deny their actions, rather than correcting them.

Maladaptive Coping Mechanisms, shame victims aspire to perfectionism, overachieving, people-pleasing, or substance abuse or addiction like gambling or binge eating to numb the intolerable feeling of rejection, inequalities and unworthiness.

Shame triggers a “survival mode,” causing a neurological impact inhibiting the prefrontal cortex and preventing learning or growth. I have a few clients, school children. Shamed by certain teachers now those students are deficient in the subjects that are though by those teachers.

Shame activates the limbic system (the brain’s emotion center) and triggers the body’s threat response, releasing cortisol. Chronic shame can keep the nervous system in a prolonged state of defense, impairing the prefrontal cortex and hindering the ability to learn from mistakes.

There is a physical component to shame. It often manifests as a desire to hide, blushing, looking down, or slumping shoulders.

Shame can stem from multiple angles and factors, being teased, experiencing failure, or believing others are judging you negatively.

Identity Erosion manifesting as Perfectionism

Striving relentlessly to be “flawless” to hide perceived inadequacy; this is shame that whispers one is fundamentally flawed, broken, or “not good enough”. This leads to a collapse in self-esteem and a loss of personal agency. At the heart of shame is a fear of social exclusion. This fear can lead to “protective concealment,” where individuals hide their authentic selves, preventing deep or meaningful relationships.

Intergenerational Transmission, unprocessed shame in parents can be unwittingly projected onto children through overly critical or authoritarian parenting, creating a “shame-based” self-image in the next generation.

I am not proud of my divorce. I would love to read as fluently as others. I can’t stop the multi-tasking and hyperactivity and fully enjoy the moment. I am not proud of everything in my past. I left school with zero CXCs.

But I can’t use that to restrict or sacrifice myself into passiveness and subjectivity. Rather, Idecided to move address my shame and live a health life which offers me a better chance at life and be progressive and purposeful. In part 2, I will share with you the process of healing from shame. Learning from the past, building resilience in humility as you achieve your true potential without feeling unworthy and undeserving.

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• ADHD, Psychologist, shame, shame paralysis, Telford Layne

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