Never open a buffet in Guyana!

Oct 16, 2025 Dem Boys Seh, Features / Columnists

(Kaieteur News) – Bai, lemme tell yuh something straight. Opening a buffet in Guyana is like opening a free bar at a party+ and expecting people to behave. Yuh mad or what? Guyanese don’t see buffet as “all you can eat.” Dem see it as “eat all till de table shake.”

One lil eating house in Georgetown thought dem was smart. Nice lil setup, clean tiles, cold drinks, food smelling like heaven. Dem say, “We gon offer buffet lunch, $2,500 flat.” Within two months, dem was flat broke.

De first day, people line up like it was Old Age Pension time. De waitress seh, “Take what you can eat.” Big mistake. Guyanese don’t understand that phrase. To we, that mean take what you can balance. Man pile food like he building Kaieteur Falls in rice and chowmein. Plate bending, fork trembling, table groaning.

But that was just the beginning. De real trouble start when people turn the buffet into a full-day activity. Some reach 11:30 sharp with a lil prayer, “Father, bless this food I about to abuse.” By 3 o’clock, dem still deh — unbutton belt, lean back, tek a nap between de pepperpot and de salad. One man so full, dem had to call two boys to help lift he from de chair. Another man claim he didn’t leave because he was “digesting in shifts.”

The owner try raise the price. Didn’t work. Guyanese just see that as a challenge: “More money? Then I gon eat more!” One lady even bring she own container — not for takeout, no — she seh is to “help she organize de plate better.”

Eventually, the owner couldn’t tek it no more. He shut down the buffet and open a regular restaurant. Now he serve “combo meals only” and even then, some customers trying to negotiate “refill rights.”

Dem boys seh, Guyanese and buffet don’t mix. Because when Guyanese hear all you can eat, dem does treat it like an Olympic event. And dem does train hard.

One fella even tell me a story about a buffet in Berbice. The owner put up a sign: “Eat all you want, but no waste.” The next day he see a man standing with a spoon in one hand and a container in the other. Owner ask, “Bossman, wha yuh doing?”

The man seh, “I ain’t wasting, bai. I carrying home de rest of me appetite!”

And that, right deh, is why in Guyana, buffet and profit don’t ever belong in the same sentence!

Talk half. Leff half.

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