Parentification

Sep 14, 2025 Features / Columnists, News

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Should children in childhood take care of their parents and provide financial support?

By Dr. Telford Layne Jr. PsyD, MSc. Postgrad, BSc.
Clinical and Developmental Psychologist – Psychoanalyst
Unwrapping Gift – Clinic

Kaieteur News – In Guyana and the Caribbean and even developing countries family life and by extension children suffer because of individualism and poor family planning. The 20 and 21^st century brings a dysfunctional family dynamics that hurt children for a lifetime. On one hand, we want children and the other hand, we abandon them in pursuit for our goals and dreams.

It becomes so distorted that we rather have children with our relations or relationship with the other parent. Forgetting and ignoring the adverse consequences of the child life as we pursuit this selfish and abnormal agenda. What we now accept as norm is traumatizing our children, robbing themselves of a chance to grown and develop into quality adults to live a health lifestyle. This path some parents and society choose are single parenting homes, making children to take care of us when get old and or having our kiss supporting us due to the mistakes we made and now struggling with, it’s called Parentification.

Parentification is an insidious form of childhood trauma because it isn’t always obvious to others especially when its culture in communities and society seems it is logical if a situation exists where the child has to take care of their parent or help provide in the home. Parentification is a role reversal where a child assumes developmentally inappropriate adult responsibilities for the physical, emotional, or financial well-being of their family, rather than being cared for. Children in these situations, known as parentified children, become responsible for household chores, caring for siblings, providing emotional support to parents, or even acting as a financial provider. What parentification really is, is a form of childhood trauma and emotional abuse where a child is forced voluntary and involuntary take on adult roles, such as caring for a parent or younger siblings, providing emotional support, or managing household responsibilities. This developmental role reversal prevents a child from having a healthy childhood, leading to emotional challenges and a distorted sense of self.

Instrumental parentification: Involves taking on practical, adult tasks like cooking, cleaning, paying bills, or caring for younger siblings.

Emotional parentification: Includes serving as a confidant to a parent, mediating family conflicts, or providing emotional support and stability to parents or siblings.

Causes and Triggers of Parentification

Parental Neglect:   A child may be parentified when a parent relies on them for practical or emotional support.

Family Instability: Issues like substance abuse or parental mental health can create a situation where a child feels responsible for the family’s stability. Especially sons think they have to go and work or daughters assume the role of care giver.

Single-Parent Households: Single parents may expect older children to assume parental duties while they work.

Parentification also occurs when a parent is unable to fulfill their parental role due to various stressors and circumstances, such as:  Mental health disorders, substance abuse issues, physical or mental illness, poverty or financial instability and family conflict or domestic issues.

The aims and objectives of childhood age 1 day old to 18 years – are focused on holistic development for a healthy and successful future, emphasizing social, emotional, cognitive, physical, and creative growth within a safe, nurturing environment. Key goals include fostering independence, building social skills, encouraging a love of learning through play and exploration, developing self-care and motor skills, and preparing for formal education by creating a strong foundation for lifelong learning and responsible citizenship.

To guide their healthy progression toward becoming well-adjusted, independent, and capable individuals. By achieving key milestones in each stage, children build the foundational skills and abilities necessary for lifelong learning, positive relationships, and overall well-being.

Toddler (18 months –3 years):

Toddlers begin exploring their environment and asserting independence in tasks like dressing themselves or choosing foods. Form secure attachments with caregivers a child builds a foundation of trust and security. Independence or Autonomy is accomplished thought exploration in safe environment provided by parents. The failure of parents to provide this results in children developing with uncertainty and trust issues creating years even a life time of shame and broken relationship.

A child age-appropriate need

 Pree School (3–5 Years)

This is the birth of self-esteem. At this stage, children devise new games, imagine different roles, and learn to plan and execute activities. Encouragement fosters initiative—a willingness to try new things. These are particularly lively, rapid-developing years in a child’s life a “time of vigor of action and of behaviours that the parents may see as aggressive.”

During this period, the primary feature involves the child regularly interacting with other children at school. Central to this stage is play, as it allows children to explore their interpersonal skills through initiating activities. The child begins to assert control and power over their environment by planning activities, accomplishing tasks, and facing challenges.

Parentification, criticism or discouragement of a child produce guilt, making children feel they are a nuisance or that their ideas are unacceptable.

 Pre-Teen (5–12 years): The child is coping with new learning and social demands.

Children are at the stage where they will be learning to read and write, to do sums, and to do things on their own. Teachers begin to take an important role in the child’s life as they teach specific skills. At this stage, the child’s peer group will gain greater significance and become a major source of the child’s self-esteem. Support from teachers and parents helps them develop industry—confidence in skills and productivity.

Without such support, or when faced with persistent failures, taking on parental responsibility’s children risk feeling inferior and unmotivated. Lashing out at school, poor academic performance but worst off goes on the next stage of their lives physically but remain in this stage psychological. What parentification does in this stage of a child’s life producing a lasting sense of inferiority this undermine confidence in academic or social settings.

Adolescence: (12–18 Years)

This is the period where children are parentified the most especially boys. This the most vulnerable person in humans’ life. It’s the period where identity is formed. Sense of purpose is developed and where personality is stabilized for a lifetime. Failure at this stage is not only a failed adult but a confused adult with a life time of challenges excepted corrected with psychotherapy.

During adolescence, the focus is on discovering “Who am I? “Teens explore different roles, values, and goals. When they are free to experiment—and receive guidance without pressure—they often develop a strong sense of identity. If they feel restricted, confused, or overwhelmed, they may experience role confusion.

Teenagers explore who they are as individuals, seek to establish a sense of self, and may experiment with different roles, activities, and behaviours. Parentification, looking after their parents, working for money to help out at home, taking care of sibling’s strip adolescents of identity and create role confusion. It is important to forming a strong identity and developing a sense of direction in life.

Parentification Effects on Children

Children are robbed of their formative years, preventing them from developing emotionally in a healthy way. Taking on adult roles too early have a lasting negative impact on a child’s well-being:

Emotional burden and mental health issues: Feeling inadequate, guilty, or responsible for adult issues. Parentified children are more prone to stress, mental illness, personalities disorders, than any other children. By early adulthood they are experiencing burnout and bring overwhelmed. Children are forced to become “pseudo-parents” or “pseudo-adults” before they are developmentally ready for such roles. For example, a child may learn to help regulate a parent emotion but not theirs at 8 years.

Mental health issues: Increased stress, anxiety, depression, and symptoms of trauma.

Behavioral problems: Disruptive behaviour, acting out, aggressiveness for boys and passive aggressiveness for most girls’ academic difficulties, and social withdrawal.

Developmental disruption: Hindered development of age-appropriate childhood experiences, such as play and social activities. Developmental and learning disabilities are pronounced with parentified children.

Difficulty forming healthy relationships and repeating the cycle of parentification in their own adult lives.

The experience leads to difficulties in setting boundaries and managing emotions in adulthood.

Healing and Therapy: Therapy can help individuals heal by teaching them to set healthy boundaries, manage their emotions, and build healthy relationships.

Focus on Self: Healing involves shifting from a parental role back to a more appropriate daughter or son role, allowing for personal and emotional growth.

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• Parentification, Psychologist, Telford Layne Jr, Unwrapping Gift

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