Latest update March 24th, 2026 12:30 AM

Guyana's largest selling daily and New York's most popular weekly

Latest News

Why stop at fingerprint?

Jan 30, 2025 Dem Boys Seh, Features / Columnists

Dem Boys Seh…

Kaieteur News- Oh gosh, Opposition! Dem boys seh y’all really out here trying to mek voting harder than getting a tax compliance. Fingerprint verification? Dat sound nice, but why y’all stopping there? If we really want fi make sure nobody ain’t cheating, leh we go full Mad Scientist pon dis thing! Mek Election Day look like something outta a Star Wars episode.

First, fingerprints alone? Nah, man. Dat too easy. What if somebody thief yuh fingerprint with scotch tape and glue? Leh we step it up! Bring yuh birth certificate, yuh marriage certificate, yuh baptism paper, and yuh great-grandmother birth record too. If yuh cyan prove yuh great-grandmother was born in 1892, sorry, yuh cyan vote. Democracy is serious business, not no joke ting!

But wait—leh we add retina scan too. Mek every voter stare into one a dem fancy machine like dem CIA movie. If yuh blink, yuh out! If yuh eyes red from last night lime, yuh out! If yuh wear contact lens, yuh out! And if de machine break down? Well, dat just mean democracy taking a lil nap. No big deal.

Now, leh we really mek it spicy—DNA testing! Set up lab at every polling station. Swab yuh mouth, wait three hours, and if yuh DNA match yuh great-grandmother birth record, den yuh good to go. If yuh cyan wait? Sorry, try next election. And if yuh DNA come back saying yuh 2% alien? Well, dat just mean yuh extra special, but yuh still cyan vote.

Opposition, mek we go all out! Handwriting analysis, voice recognition, lie detector test—mek every voter sing de national anthem backward while standing on one leg. If yuh fall, yuh out! If yuh forget de words, yuh out! If yuh voice crack, yuh out!

Dem boys seh dis is how y’all really want fi run tings? Mek voting so complicated dat only NASA scientists and Sherlock Holmes cyan participate? Well, at least we know de three people who make it through de process is 100% legit. Big up, Opposition! Y’all really out here trying fi save democracy by killing it softly.

Talk half. Leff half.

(Why stop at fingerprint?)

Discover more from Kaieteur News

Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.

Similar Articles

Listen to the The Glenn Lall Show

Follow on Tik Tok @Glennlall

Your children are starving, and you giving away their food to an already fat pussycat.

THE BLUNT OF THE DAY

Sports

Guyana Hockey Masters wing off to Nottingham to compete at World indoor Championship

Guyana Hockey Masters wing off to Nottingham to compete at World...

Mar 24, 2026

Kaieteur Sports – The World Masters Hockey Indoor World Cup is a global tournament that brings together veteran field hockey players from around the world, offering athletes aged 35 and above the...
Read More

VIEW ALL SPORTS

Features/Columnists

Every child deserves a fighting chance

Every child deserves a fighting chance

Mar 24, 2026

Kaieteur News) – The death of a child is one of the hardest things a society can face. It shakes us. It leaves us with pain that words cannot fully express. But when a child dies while awaiting critical medical intervention, the grief becomes even heavier. It is no longer just about loss. It is...
Read More

Sir. Ronald Sanders

War in Iran, Pain in the Caribbean

War in Iran, Pain in the Caribbean

Mar 22, 2026

By Sir Ronald Sanders (Kaieteur News) – The war in Iran is already at Caribbean doors. The attacks in Iran and the Gulf are being justified by some on the grounds that Iran’s record on terrorism, nuclear ambition, and regional meddling leaves the “free world” with no choice but to act...
Read More

The GHK Lall Column

The gift that I give to Nigel Dharamlall

The gift that I give to Nigel Dharamlall

Mar 24, 2026

Kaieteur News) – I may be barking up the wrong tree.  It’s the story lived, with no fear of continuing.  This time, a flicker of success may illuminate the dark.  And, if it doesn’t, then trying is what’s left.  To Mr. Nigel Dharamlall of the PPP, of Guyana, I speak.  With Nigel...
Read More

Publisher’s Note

Freedom of speech is our core value at Kaieteur News. If the letter/e-mail you sent was not published, and you believe that its contents were not libellous, let us know, please contact us by phone or email.

Feel free to send us your comments and/or criticisms.
Contact: 624-6456; 225-8452; 225-8458; 225-8463; 225-8465; 225-8473 or 225-8491.
Or by Email: glennlall2000@gmail.com / kaieteurnews@yahoo.com

Weekend Cartoon

Bridge Watch

> Berbice Bridge […]