Speak no ill of the dead, until….

Apr 08, 2013 Features / Columnists, Peeping Tom

When a man dies, his family, friends and associates are thrust into deep state of grief. If that death is sudden, then the grief is mingled with shock.
It is a sad time for the grieving family, a most difficult period, one that requires some adjustment. It is inconsiderate and unkind to in the midst of someone grieving to add to their pain and anguish by making comments of the dead that are insensitive and unsuited to the occasion.
Yet it seems that there are persons who delight in using the death of someone, often whom they never knew or have ever met as the occasion to cast negative and insensitive comments about that person. This seems to be profusion of such comments on blogs and other social media.
Those who make these painful comments often do so because the deceased person may have belonged to a political party of their disliking. They choose the immediate hours after the death of someone to bare the hatred and bitterness in their hearts and they do so freely because they enjoy the license to assault the memory of the departed and a time when they should spare the grieving family the disparaging and dishonorable comments.
Those who lash out at the dead even before they are interred do not represent the collective conscience of society; they never have. They are a minute and insignificant minority. However because of use of the social media their comments now have extensive reach. It is unregulated and uncontrolled. The grieving families and those sympathizing with them are not insulated from the ill-timed and ill-meaning vilification of the dead which only adds to their pain.
The social media has become a free –for all in the name of free expression. It shows the dangers to which free expression can be out. But even free expression has its limitations of a legal and moral nature.
And of the moral intonations is the need to be sensitive to those in mourning. There is a time and place for everything and being critical of the dead should always be sensitive to the feelings of those who are grieving.
Every individual and more especially those whose actions have been felt in a public way, are subject to public scrutiny. The lives of public figures must be examined both as source of inspiration to others as well as for the lessons- both positive and negative- the lives impart.
The immediate period before someone is either interred or cremated is however, by an unwritten convention, a time to speak no ill of the dead. It is the occasion to celebrate the good and meaningful things that their lives represented.
This is done not out of sensitivity to the grieving family members. However, by refraining from negative judgments about the individual before their physical remains are disposed of, it allows the family of the deceased that needed respite of not having comments which may add to their anguish.
There is no hard and fast rule as to when the bombardment of the person’s memory should commence. Sensitivity to the family should however be the guiding norm. The unwritten rule is to speak no ill of the dead until interment or cremation.
Unfortunately, the social media do not have much respect for such conventions and some very disturbing comments have been known to be made and are likely to continue to be made about persons in the immediate wake of their death.
It would be imprudent to regulate such negative comments because this could be abused to the extent of curtailing free expression. This is why apart from the legal restraints that exist- and which prohibit free comment that libels, promote ethnic hatred and incite violence- there will always be a need for an ethical dimension, unwritten rules that should guide public and private speech during the period following the death of someone.
Speak no ill of the dead, until their bones are interred or turned to ash! Respect the feelings of the grieving family!

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