Parenting Adolescents: Part 1

Jul 19, 2026 Features / Columnists, News

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By Dr. Telford Layne Jr. PsyD, MSc. Postgrad, BSc.

(Kaieteur News) – In many Caribbean families, traditional parenting practices emphasise survival, obedience, and protection rather than emotional intelligence, independent judgment, and healthy communication.

However effective parenting of adolescents is best achieved by modelling appropriate behaviour. Parenting teenagers extends beyond enforcing obedience; it involves guiding young people toward emotional maturity, moral responsibility, spiritual grounding, social competence, and independent decision-making.

COMMON CHALLENGES

1. They interpret independence as disrespect

Between the ages of 12 and 18, teenagers naturally begin to question rules, express opinions, seek privacy, and desire greater autonomy. These behaviors do not indicate rebellion or disrespect.

When parents interpret every disagreement as disrespect, they may respond with: “As long as you live under my roof, you have no opinion.”  “Children must stay in a child’s place.”  “I am the parent; you do not question me.”

Such responses may result in temporary compliance or withdrawal, but silence does not equate to maturity. The goal should be respectful independence rather than unquestioning obedience.

2. They parent from fear

Parents often fear issues such as pregnancy, sexual activity, substance use, gang involvement, poor academic performance, social media exposure, embarrassment, crime, or the loss of parental authority. These concerns can lead some parents to adopt excessively controlling behaviors.

Fear-based parenting emphasises punishment, whereas developmental parenting encourages understanding of the consequences, values, and responsibilities associated with each decision.

3. They use beating, threats and humiliation

Corporal punishment, insults, public embarrassment, name-calling, and threats of abandonment may temporarily suppress undesirable behaviors but do not foster emotional regulation, problem-solving skills, or personal responsibility.

Research indicates that corporal punishment is linked to poorer mental health, increased behavioral difficulties, and a lack of positive developmental outcomes. Adolescents require discipline that educates rather than traumatizes. While fear may prompt compliance, it can also lead to resentment, shame, anger, or emotional detachment.

4. They confuse providing with parenting

Some parents make significant efforts to provide food, clothing, education, transportation, and electronic devices. While these contributions are important, they do not meet the core needs of adolescents.

Adolescents require emotional presence, affection, encouragement, genuine interest in their lives, calm correction, individual attention, and permission to express difficult emotions. Parents who provide materially but remain emotionally unavailable may inadvertently create distress for their teenagers.

5. They repeat how they were parented

Many adults recall being raised with statements such as: “I was beaten, and I turned out fine,” “Nobody asked how I felt,” “We did not answer adults,” and “Parents never apologised to children.” Enduring a particular parenting practice does not necessarily mean that it was emotionally healthy. Some parents may unintentionally perpetuate unresolved childhood fears, rejection, harshness, or emotional neglect.

6. They speak at teenagers rather than with them

Adolescents may withdraw if every disclosure leads to a lecture, an argument, a punishment, a comparison with another child, the sharing of information with relatives, religious condemnation, or the use of their words as evidence against them. Positive parenting emphasises calm communication, encouragement, collaborative problem-solving, and strengthening the parent–teen relationship.

7. They avoid difficult subjects

Many Guyanese and Caribbean parents avoid discussing topics such as sexuality, pornography, consent, mental health, substance use, relationships, or online exploitation until a crisis arises. This avoidance often stems from discomfort or lack of preparedness.

Silence does not protect adolescents; instead, it often leaves their education to peers, social media, pornography, or misinformation. Parents should clearly communicate their values while also providing accurate, age-appropriate information.

8. They focus on academic achievement but neglect emotional health

An adolescent may achieve high academic performance while experiencing depression, anxiety, bullying, sexual confusion, trauma, loneliness, or suicidal thoughts. Dismissing these experiences with statements such as “You have food, clothes, and school—what could you be depressed about?” invalidates the young person’s feelings. Mental distress should not be equated with ingratitude, laziness, or spiritual deficiency.

9. Parents and caregivers are inconsistent

In some families, inconsistent messaging occurs when the mother, father, and grandparents provide conflicting guidance. Additionally, some adolescents live between households or are partially raised by relatives due to work, migration, separation, or financial pressures.

10. Parents refuse to apologise

Some adults believe that apologising undermines parental authority. In contrast, a sincere apology demonstrates accountability. For example, a parent might say: “I was right to address the behaviour, but I was wrong to insult you. I am sorry. We still need to address what happened, but I should have spoken respectfully.” Authority is strengthened when it is trustworthy, fair, and emotionally safe.

Improved Caribbean Parenting

1. Build connection before correction

Adolescents are more likely to accept guidance from parents who demonstrate genuine understanding and connection. Establish regular, non-judgmental interactions, such as sharing meals, discussing music, friendships, and interests, traveling or completing chores together, and spending individual time with each child.

Listen attentively without immediate correction and express affection in ways that are meaningful to the teenager.

2. Establish firm but reasonable boundaries

Adolescents continue to require boundaries regarding school attendance and assignments, curfews, household responsibilities, respectful communication, online behavior, substance use, dating and sexual safety, spending, and sleep.

Explain the reason for each major rule. Include teenagers in the discussion. Parents should explain the rationale behind each major rule and involve adolescents in discussions about implementation. Parents must retain responsibility for final decisions related to health and safety.

3. Use logical consequences

Consequences should be directly related to the behaviour. For example, if schoolwork is neglected due to gaming, access to gaming should depend on completing academic responsibilities. If an adolescent speaks disrespectfully, pause the conversation, regulate emotions, and resume the discussion respectfully. Avoid punishments that are excessively long, unrelated, or unenforceable.

4. Give increasing freedom with increasing responsibility

Freedom should be granted progressively, as a desire for independence is a key characteristic of adolescence. Parents cannot prevent this developmental milestone but can provide structure, close supervision, and ongoing guidance. Allow adolescents to make choices regarding clothing, hobbies, room arrangement, study schedules, and friendships within established boundaries.

5. Respect privacy without abandoning supervision

Adolescents require private conversations, personal space, and a degree of confidentiality. However, privacy should be limited when serious safety concerns arise, such as evidence of self-harm, suicidal ideation, sexual exploitation, dangerous relationships, criminal activity, or online predatory contact. Routine surveillance undermines trust; transparent monitoring is preferable.

6. Teach emotional regulation

Rather than instructing adolescents to control themselves, parents should model emotional regulation. This includes pausing before responding, identifying emotions, practicing calming techniques, expressing anger appropriately, listening to alternative viewpoints, repairing relationships, and seeking help when needed. A parent who is emotionally dysregulated cannot effectively teach regulation to an adolescent. The goal is to model calm, consistent regulation so that adolescents can learn from example.

7. Maintain culture and faith without using them as weapons

Caribbean cultural traditions and religious values offer identity, belonging, morality, and community support. However, these values should not be used to suppress emotions, conceal abuse, or demand obedience to unsafe authority figures.

8. Discipline the behaviour without attacking identity

For example, state: “That decision was dishonest,” rather than, “You are a liar and will never amount to anything.” Similarly, say: “Your behaviour was irresponsible,” instead of, “You are worthless, lazy, or just like your father.” Adolescents often internalise parental labels. Address the behaviour without attacking the individual’s identity.

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• emotional intelligence, Parenting Adolescents, Telford Layne

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