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Pay-To-Celebrate
(Kaieteur News) – Dem boys seh Guyana don turn celebration upside down. Is a strange thing happening now, yuh know. Long time, when somebody got birthday, dem does invite you, feed you, liquor you, and send you home with a doggy bag. Now? Now you paying to celebrate somebody else age increase. Madness with a receipt.
Nowadays, you ain’t “invited” to a birthday party — you “admitted.” Like is prison or cricket pavilion. Big banner outside: Birthday Bash – $8,000 Early Bird. Early bird for what? To watch somebody cut cake? And don’t be late, because late fee probably coming next.
You pay entrance, you pay drinks, and you still got to sing “Happy Birthday” with genuine emotion, like you didn’t just swipe your bank card to be there. Food included, dem seh — one chicken back, two grains rice, and a plantain slice thin like it pass through GPL blackout.
Dem boys seh the worst part is when the birthday person standing up by the bar collecting money like tax collector. “You get band?” “You get stamp?” Stamp? I come for cake, not customs clearance.
And the drinks prices? Boy, one beer cost so much you start wondering if it brewed with crude oil. You ask for water and dem say, “Still got to pay.” Pay for water? Next thing you know, oxygen go be premium — inhale twice, swipe card.
At this rate, dem boys seh weddings soon go follow suit. Invitation might read: You are cordially invited… to contribute. Bring gift, bring one bottle, bring one tray food, and still pay cover charge. If you want chair with backrest, extra fee. Want to clap during vows? That’s VIP section.
Funeral probably next. “Viewing free, crying $2,000. Loud wailing extra.”
Dem boys seh we reach a stage where people hosting party like dem doing you a favour by letting you spend money. Soon, birthday person go thank guests like this: “I appreciate everybody who support my turning 35 financially.”
Is not a party again, is a business model. And if you don’t attend? Dem vex. Because how you could refuse to pay to celebrate somebody else surviving another year?
Dem boys seh Guyana really creative — we even monetise happiness now.
Talk half. Leff half.
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