The shock of my life

Nov 06, 2025 Features / Columnists, Peeping Tom

Kaieteur News – A few days ago, I almost fainted at the wheel. It wasn’t because of low blood sugar, or the price of food in the markets, or even the sight of a police roadblock at the end of the month.

No, it was because of an infomercial from the Guyana Power and Light (GPL). A calm, soothing voice came over the radio urging citizens to report incidents of electricity theft. Now, I nearly drove into a trench. Not because I disapprove of civic responsibility, but because it struck me with the force of 220 volts that in Guyana, it’s far easier to steal electricity than to get a legal connection.

You see, GPL lives in an alternate universe, a bureaucratic Neverland where wires are sacred, forms are divine, and logic is optional. To get a legitimate connection, you must first embark on a spiritual journey through the maze of paperwork. The paperwork required for a connection is staggering. You need a copy of your ID, a land title, your birth certificate, the birth certificate of the house, and possibly a sworn statement from the midwife who delivered you just to prove you exist at that address. If you live with your parents, GPL will demand proof that you are not merely squatting in your own bedroom. You must show tenancy documents or affidavits to prove that you have been there for an extended period. Extended, in GPL time, means since before electricity was invented.

And heaven help you if your parents live overseas. Imagine calling your mother in Brooklyn to tell her she must sign, notarize and DHL a document authorising you to put connect a meter to the house so you can have light to see your dinner.

Meanwhile, over on some government reserve or parapet, there’s a squatter who can’t spell “affidavit” but somehow has a sparkling new meter and a water connection. Nobody knows how it happens, but it happens with the regularity of sunrise. The squatter may not have a title deed, a lot number, or even an address, but there he is — glowing in the dark while you, the law-abiding citizen, sit by candlelight filling out GPL Form No. 47B: Application for the Right to Apply for an Application.

This is Guyana’s grand irony: the system rewards illegality with convenience and punishes legitimacy with paperwork. GPL’s motto might as well be: “The more honest you are, the dimmer your lights.” And now they want us to report electricity theft? Please. That’s like asking people to report rainfall in the rainy season. In some communities, the only thing more common than illegal connections are mosquitoes.

Before GPL lectures the public about morality, it should take a hard look in the mirror, preferably under one of its own flickering bulbs. The company cannot continue to preside over a system so tangled in red tape that it makes the national grid look simple. If it were easier to apply for a visa to Mars than to get legal electricity in Guyana, who, really, is responsible for the theft?

The answer lies in the culture of bureaucratic absurdity that has taken root in our public utilities. Instead of fixing the process, the institutions prefer to fix the citizens with lectures about “responsibility” and “law and order.” But what law and order exists when the law itself is designed to exhaust you into submission?

GPL’s customer service is an Olympic sport in patience. You take a number, you wait in line, and you watch the staff move with the speed of a candle melting. There’s a form for everything and a reason for nothing. They’ll ask for your mother’s maiden name, your grandmother’s baptism certificate, and a photograph of your front step for verification purposes. All this, just to turn on a switch. Then, after weeks of chasing documents, paying deposits, and whispering prayers, they’ll tell you that the electrical inspector has to visit. And yet, the squatter at the corner somehow bypasses all this divine intervention. No affidavits, no site visits, no photocopies. His light shines bright, legally or otherwise. So, when I heard that infomercial urging citizens to report electricity theft, I laughed the bitter laugh of experience. Before GPL can preach morality, it must first fix its own system by simplifying the process, treat honest customers with respect, and make legal connections easier to obtain than illegal ones. Until then, their campaign will remain a shocking example of irony in high voltage.

(The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of this newspaper.)

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documents, Electricity, extended, GPL, in GPL time, parents

One thought on “The shock of my life”

habeeb November 6, 2025 at 12:15 pm

To make you the writer, satisfied, just report all the homes with METERS.
Do 4-5 homes per village. Then move to the sea dam, report all those
homes with meters. Do the same at the Kingston Seawall where the food’
vendors, restaurants are.
This will give GPL inspectors a workload, just like your paperwork.
I am just joking…. but, think about it anyway.

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