2024 – Men and the “Lysistrata Syndrome!”

Jan 01, 2024 Sports

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By Colin E. H. Croft 

Kaieteur Sports – Are you really ready for Leap Year 2024?  If you are, then “Happy New Year 2024!!”  Good luck to all!

As 2023 ends, it has been an incredibly significant year in my lifetime, for, on 15 March 2023 – “The Ides of March 2023”, which commemorated that same day in 44 B.C. when Julius Caesar was casually carved up by his so-called friends at the Roman Senate – I became 70 years old. Yes!  Unbelievable but true!

That I have survived this long, still in quite good shape, a roof over my head, not hungry, with emergency funds available, having overcome a gazillion episodes of severe external stimuli, is a major miracle.  More later, but, yes, I too have many hopes and still tremendous ambitions for 2024 and many years beyond!

So many have tried their darndest to bring about my demise, but I know, while not being devoutly Christian; I do go to church regularly; that “God is truly Great!!”Indeed, many of the ultra-vile ones who had tried hard to destroy me have themselves been made frigid; hopefully gone to eternal heat in hades!

I also know that I am quite fortunate and very blessed to be still in decent shape; six feet six inches (198 cm) tall, 235 pounds (106 kg), almost at my 1983 “fighting weight” as an International Cricketer, still not needing Viagra, Cialis or Levitra, but still running much and riding well!!  God is indeed Great!!  Amen!!

PRELUDE TO THE LYSISTRATA SYNDROME

Enough about me for now, but, ready or not, here comes 2024; “The Year of the Dragon”. So, if you are prepared for 2024’s steam, following the super carnage on 2023’s roads, and continuing, fire-breathing conflicts everywhere, let us proceed to something much lighter and different, as previously previewed in 1984 by author and Princeton University alumni Asa Baber, (1936 – 2003), which always makes me smile!

Let us be honest here.  No-one cares about your New Year’s resolutions or predictions for 2024’s economy.  Hey, this is your old partner “Bomber Crofty” talking here.  Do not try to B. S. one who has survived so much overt B. S. everywhere.  What do you really think about when you look forward to New Year 2024?

In truth, all men really think about is warmth, comfort and approval, in some form.  Right?  We wonder where those qualities will come from and in what abundance.  Would 2024 be a good year or a downer?  Who will be our partners in luck and especially in love?  What would be the momentum of our sex lives?

“My sex life?” you expound as if insulted.  “My sex life is so fine, man, it is divine!  How in hell can you even ask me that? Listen! I am okay.  Alright?  Really, really okay.  You get it?”Yeah.  I get it. In Caribbean parlance, you lie like a dog!  You are just like most of us men; severely internally sexually insecure!

Yes, your public image is that of a satisfied stud, even now, with women’s truly excellent achievements and magnificent female independence in all sectors. ‘Do I look worried?’ is the expression on your face, but deep down in your gut, there is a massive reservoir of confusion and uncertainty about your sexual future.

No-one ever voices it but it is there, like an intense toothache.  Comfort, warmth, approval and sexual states come and go as men evolve.  We live through unpredictable seasons, but when it is cold, it can be very chilly indeed. We wonder, as another year turns, how troubled, tough, tepid or cool this one will be.

You are not alone.  Far from it.  Take a good look at your brothers-in-arms as they crack dirty jokes while chugging rum at cricket and soccer games, pretending that all is well.  They are not doing any better than you.  Their spigots have been regularly shut off too, but, like you, they pretend that nothing substandard is amiss.  Their exterior surfaces are so smooth, but, like you, their inner emotions are a sumptuous mess.

No-one talks about it or ventures to name it, but there is this great pandemic sweeping through the men of the entire world, one that did not come from anywhere.  It simply appeared, and is a clear and present product of rejection, dissatisfaction, dejection and discontent from women.  It is women against men!

THE LYSISTRATA SYNDROME

This purveying pandemic is called “The Lysistrata Syndrome.” It has spread everywhere world-wide.  Women are purveyors of it; men have no choice but to deal with its results and residues.  “The Lysistrata Syndrome” – women withhold, men withdraw and wither abominably; the culture’s temperature plummets!

FYI: Two thousand, four hundred and thirty-four years ago, Greek playwright Aristophanes wrote a very enjoyable theatric play about sexual rejection called “Lysistrata.” First produced in Athens in 411 B.C., it told the tale of a very formidable woman named Lysistrata, who decided to bring peace to the continually warring states of Athens and Sparta.  (Surely, such a woman is needed right now in the Middle East!)

“Ladies,” Lysistrata said to the gathered women’s council, “it is really quite simple.  If we want peace between these warring states, and for our husbands to be less war-like, we simply must give up sex!”The women argued for some time about that.  Voluptuously attractive Calonice totally be opposed that plan.  “Give up sex?  What? Never!  Lysistrata Darling, there is nothing like it!  How would that help end wars?”

“How?  I will tell you how,” replied Lysistrata.  “Imagine this now.  We are at home, absolutely beautifully made up, well perfumed, wearing our sheerest negligees with nothing underneath, but with our triangles purposefully plucked.  Our men, rock hard as stone and bone, cannot wait to jump into bed with us.  Only, definitively, we absolutely refuse sex.  I promise you that they will make peace soon enough.  You will see!”

The women then immediately locked themselves into the Acropolis, which was also the state treasury and contained all of the gold.  They steadfastly refused to have sexual relations with their husbands, beating senseless any desperate dolt who tried to breach their sanctuary. By the end of Aristophane’s stage play, the husband-warriors, hobbling around uncomfortably with bubbling under-belly bulges, frantically agreed to stop warring.  Absolute continuing peace reigned.  The women then cooperated.  Life went on!

POSTLUDE TO THE LYSISTRATA SYNDROME

Sounds familiar?  Is history repeating itself?  Do not get me wrong.  Today’s “Lysistrata Syndrome” is not based on anything as high-handed as a quest for world peace.  Women are simply rejecting us men out of pique, distaste, irritation, men’s arrogance and asininity, competitiveness, revenge, changed identity, fatigue, anger.  Name it, women are displaying it.  Athens and Sparta are at war again, but at our homes!

So, as you swagger, boast and pretend that you are getting yours, pardon my smiles as I am male too.  I know better, but it is also time to do something about our continuing predicament, now, if not sooner!

“The Lysistrata Syndrome” causes great pain, from crowns of men’s heads to callouses on feet.  Men must be better prepared, differently focused, or each succeeding New Year will find us just as rattled as we are towards 2024.  New strategies are needed, new tactics employed, while women, justifiably, continue to dance, prance and display class, successes, forms, wares and absolute beauty in men’s arrogant faces!

STRATEGIES TO OVERCOME THE LYSISTRATA SYNDROME

Now, if you have been a “Lysistrata Syndrome” victim, you may have only three basic choices of strategy:

Firstly, there is ‘The matching-funds play-book’: This takes very much discipline from men.  You feign similar disinterest in her as she does in you.  Simply, you mirror your Lysistrata.  You yawn when sex is mentioned.  You pretend to be asleep instantly as your head hits the pillows.  You speak of continence as a reasonable way of life.  When directly approached, you plead headaches and difficult workdays, hiding behind your neutrality. Who knows?  You may be pleasantly surprised as to how soon your Lysistrata becomes quite concerned and, perhaps, hopefully, how soon your life might actually warm up.

Secondly, there is The other woman threat’: Most men probably have had practice at this, but somehow do not like the reciprocals.  (When able, check out 1960’s classic award-winning comedic film “The Apartment”). You bathe in female colognes, rub lipstick on your shirt, have crushed roses in your pockets, and possess souvenirs from the best singles bars.  You send passionate texts to yourself, signing them with women’s names, then, supposedly absentmindedly, leave these visible.  Be prepared for a reaction, but this strategy could get you thrown out, pronto, or back into firm favor, depending on phases of the moon!

Thirdly, there is The other man threat’:  This is not as effective nowadays as it used to be in the distant past, since sexuality has become much more ‘open’, whatever your choices happen to be, but in some situations, there could still be dangers there too. In the past, if you were heterosexual, even loosely noting anything amorous pertaining to your same sex could have been seriously detrimental.  “Honey, do you not think that that George is a great hunk?” That type of observation does not worry anyone anymore!

Those all come with big risks, but it remains that most men and their Lysistratas are still at war.  However, if you are lucky enough and have survived unhurt, then hail to “L–Days,” all days a “Love Day.” So, I wish all a “Happy New Year 2024”, including all of you Lysistratas too!!

Thank you, Asa Baber.  Peace!!

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• Colin E. H. Croft, Happy New Year 2024!!, Lysistrata Syndrome, The Ides of March 2023, Unbelievable

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