A presser to end all pressers

Jul 13, 2023 Dem Boys Seh, Features / Columnists, News

Dem Boys Seh…

Kaieteur News – De Prezzy finally gave in to pressure and hosted a press conference. But it was a press conference with a difference and one that not many would like a second invite to.

The room in which the presser was held was an unprecedented display of spatial inadequacy. As de attendees squeezed into a room mo’ fitting for sardines, it became abundantly clear dat claustrophobia wasn’t a mere possibility but an imminent medical emergency waiting to happen. Dem boys even understand dat de the local hospitals were on standby, anticipating an influx of reporters and journalists who had succumbed to the room’s cramped confines.

Prezzy, renowned for his oratorical theatrics, decided to treat the audience to an opening statement of truly epic proportions. This was the Titanic of all opening statements. For a whole hour and more, his words rebounded off the weary ears of the press corps, transforming their attentive expressions into yawns and eye-rubbing. Some of dem actually dozed off.

One unfortunate soul awoke from his unintended siesta, momentarily confused if he had traveled forward in time to next year’s Budget speech. Another reporter wrote a note to his counterpart asking whether it was indeed a press conference or a State of the Union address. One person even claim how Prezzy tryin fuh break de Vee Pee record fuh de longest opening statement.

How could anyone blame dese reporter? De length of Prezzy’s opening statement had already surpassed the average attention span of a goldfish. When the time for questions finally arrived, the inquiries bore little relevance to the words that had just dripped from Prezzy’s lips. Instead of probing the depths of his profound monologue, the questions meandered aimlessly to issues which were topical, especially about de Minister wah resign. As the press corps exited the suffocating press room, gasping for fresh air… and clarity, they were left with a lingering question: Was this an exercise in public accountability or a test of their ability to stay awake for two hours?

Talk half. Leff half!

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