Techniques of child sexual groomers

Nov 05, 2021 Letters

Dear Editor,

Kaieteur News – Child Sexual Abuse is very commonplace within Guyana, affecting children of all genders and backgrounds. While abusers are often painted as being strangers in the dark, the reality is that they are usually persons that are known and trusted by the child and their family and very often are family members. This is why it is important to develop and maintain open communication with children while encouraging bodily autonomy and keeping an eye on the adults around your child – even if they are family members and trusted friends.
Child Sexual Grooming can often be a bit difficult to spot given that groomers look and operate much like any other person. On the surface, grooming can look like an innocent close relationship between the adult perpetrator, the targeted child and even the child’s caregivers. This calculated support they offer helps the perpetrator to gain the trust and attention of the child.
Most groomers utilize various grooming techniques by which they break down the boundaries of both the child and their parents. While the child is the main target, groomers will also groom the parents/caregivers of the child in order to lower suspicion and gain unfettered access to the child. Often, they target and prey on vulnerable children who might exist in chaotic, neglectful and/or impoverished homes. These sexual predators would exploit the vulnerabilities of the child by seeking to fulfill their needs. This can take several forms such as giving affection or attention to the child, gifts, money and opportunities they might not have access to. Once they have set themselves up as someone the child can rely upon, they will seek out opportunities to be alone with the child and will attempt to further isolate them from other relationships through emotional manipulation. Commonly, this can look like the groomer telling the child that no one cares for them the way they do.
With an emotional dependence built, they will quickly begin sexualising the relationship with the child through things such as sexual conversations, pictures and touching, which will eventually develop into sexual abuse. Once sexual abuse is initiated, the abuser will begin using tactics such as secrecy, blame and threats to maintain control over the child so as to keep them silent.
Perpetrators will rarely be caught in the act of abusing a child, but they are frequently observed to press and break boundaries. Whenever this is observed, it is important to describe how inappropriate the behaviour is and to let them know you are keeping an eye on them, and also ensure that your child is not left alone with them. Having open conversations with your child about the importance of not keeping secrets and family rules about how adults engage with your children can go a long way in helping to ease the possibility of sexual grooming and violence.
Ensuring that you teach your child about consent and bodily autonomy will let them know that it is okay to say “no” to adults, making them less vulnerable to the tactics of groomers. It is important to note that grooming is not always obvious, as groomers work hard to gain the trust of you and your child, so trusting your instincts is very important. If something does not feel right about the interest an adult is showing in your child, trust that feeling and do not let them be alone with your child or do any favours for your family.
While identifying child sexual groomers can often be a bit difficult, keeping in mind some of the techniques that they utilise can aid significantly in identifying harmful behaviours and keeping your child safe from sexual predators.

Akola Thompson
Blue Umbrella Consultant, ChildLinK
To report or seek counseling, please call 914/227-0979/227-2023/233-3500

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