AVOID COMPARING CHILDREN

Sep 19, 2017 Editorial, Features / Columnists

We all know that children are precious and whether we know it or not, no two children are alike. Each child has his/her own identity and each thinks differently. Therefore, it is only natural for parents, teachers and all those who are involved in the well-being of children to notice these differences.
However, it is unfair and perhaps irresponsible for parents or anyone else to compare children. This could make a child uncomfortable and he or she could develop a false impression of himself/herself.
Several experts have opined that the idea of comparing children could be quite harsh, painful and difficult for them to comprehend. And even though it may not be the intention of parents to do so willfully, it could still cause a lot of harm to children. Instead of comparing their children to others, parents should strive to highlight the uniqueness of each.
This is particularly important because being a sibling or a blood relative does not mean that children will have identical interests, abilities, talents or skill sets. Furthermore, children are very smart and sensitive; they learn quickly from their surroundings.
Parents need to understand this and learn to appreciate each child’s qualities. Every child is gifted and no advantage or benefits are derived from comparing one child to another. It could lead to frustration.
This is not to suggest that parents should not point out their children’s mistakes or highlight their areas of weakness that should be strengthened. In fact, some believe that it is normal for parents to be critical of their children but they should not compare them to a sibling, a peer, or a friend, because immediately they will know that you are telling them that they are not measuring up.
Parents who compare their children to others could be sending a message that they are not pleased with them. It is likely that a child in this situation will become stressed and depressed trying to live up to its parents’ expectations. Such comparison could dampen the spirit, reduce self-esteem, make the child feel worthless and cause him to perform poorly.
Feelings of low self-worth usually lead to self-doubt, and this could make children feel uneasy despite how well they are doing. Such feelings tend to follow them all the way into adulthood and into their professions.
Children who are in this situation tend to become withdrawn for fear of being criticised or put down before others. They would avoid contact that could possibly expose them to more criticism. It could also destroy the parent-child relationship.
The primary role of parents is to care, nurture, love, protect and support their children, but when a child feels that the opposite is occurring, it could result in a strained relationship. They may feel that their parents love them less, than they do the other siblings and are against them; even if their parents’ intention really is to motivate their children.
Studies have shown that most children who are constantly being compared to other siblings might resent the siblings in question. This can be very dangerous, because the child is likely to develop feelings of jealousy which could eventually turn into hatred and other unhealthy emotions.
It is discouraging for children to work hard constantly only to be told that their siblings or someone else is doing better than them. This would instill in them the belief that no matter how hard they work or how much they work, they will never be as good as their siblings, and their parents will always remind them of someone who did better.

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