Dear Editor,
Domestic violence abusers may feel this need to control their partner because of low self-esteem, extreme jealousy, difficulties in regulating anger and other strong emotions, or when they feel inferior to the other partner in education and socioeconomic background.
That means that abusers learn violent behaviour from their family, people in their community and other cultural influences as they grow up. They may have seen violence often or they may have been victims themselves.
Alcohol and other chemical substances may contribute to violent behaviour. A drunk or ‘high’ person will be less likely to control his or her violent impulses.
Society is now becoming more aware of spouse abuse than it has been in the past. Previously, even if gross abuse was reported to the authorities, the law was reluctant to get involved. It was assumed that the man was ruler in his own castle and the authorities had no business there. At best it was viewed as a misdemeanor, and that view has changed.
If a man or woman feels abused, there are now many organisations ready to help. There are also many websites that offer information.
The classic abuser conveys a message to his victim that she is responsible for his negative behaviours; that she is a failure in most or all of the roles that she is fulfilling; that, apart from him, she is helpless. Victims of abuse eventually come to believe that they are powerless and objects of shame. Statistically, reports of women being abused are more common than that of men.
It is common that victims experience feelings of helplessness that prevent them from leaving the relationship.
After repeated failures of escape, victims believe that they cannot escape the relationship and resign themselves to remain in the violent atmosphere. The tension-building occurs again, however, and the cycle repeats itself, leaving the victim to feel trapped and helpless. Marcelle Joseph