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Better parenting
The creation of good citizens begins in the home. This means good parenting. Based on the evidence from our newspaper reports it is obvious that parenting skills in Guyana need an urgent upgrading.
On this Father’s Day we offer the following tips to remind parents, particularly fathers, that parenting does not end with sending the kids off to school or generally getting them out of the house.
Love them: Every human being has a natural tendency to love as it allows us to actualise ourselves. Parents must freely give of their love without any reservations and restraints. Even when you are upset or angry with your child, make sure that your love and concern comes through – especially physically through hugging etc.
Parents must also demonstrate their love, respect and trust for each other and the children will have a model for the future.
Live your values: Children learn through observation. Sight is the most developed sense in humans. What you hear may be forgotten; what you see will be understood; and what you do, will be remembered. Choose the values you wish your children to grow up with. Never go against these values.
For instance, if you are lecturing your children on the value of honesty but lie to someone, this incongruence will create dissonance between the spoken word and action, and confuse the child. Living on values is called integrity and later in life, it will be the source, cause and root of success, in both professional and personal life.
Do not compare: Never tell your child that he or she is better or worse than another. This will make them either arrogant or have complexes.
Help them decide on their own personal standards and then set new ones to exceed them. In the same spirit, never label your children – don’t call them lazy, loud, stupid, etc. Labels last forever.
They determine behaviour patterns in adulthood and carry on even into middle age and later years. Encourage: Do not force your way on your children. The fact that their way is different is a sign of evolution.
As long as what your children do does not harm them and anyone or anything else, that act is justified and must be encouraged. Even if their ideas go against yours, do not let your ego come between them expressing themselves.
Discuss and explain your position. Show appreciation for their achievements but do not make your children dependent on encouragement. The source of motivation must come from the action and not from your encouragement.
Let your child teach: The normal situation is that parents do all the talking and the children have to listen. This is based on the perception that parents have more experience, more wisdom, more reason, and that children know nothing. Your true wisdom as a parent is tested by not talking.
Your role is that of a facilitator. You ask the questions, provoke the child’s mind and let her/him seek answers. When children learn to command their own sources of information, their confidence in life is strengthened.
Discuss matters openly: Do not have secrets. Whatever family issues you have, discuss them openly. Not only family matters, but social, political, economic, even taboo topics – anything.
Even if they are very young, they are able to pick up the vibes and learn consideration and concern. When they are older, let’s say, around eight years old, you can even ask for their opinions.
You will be amazed at the wisdom they possess and the kind of responses you will get. Allow them to make mistakes. Life’s best lessons are learnt from the mistakes we make. Sure they cause damage, but it is all about how a parent handles the situation.
Let go: When a child is grown, let her/him go and let God take over. Have the confidence in whatever you have taught your children, they are now capable of leading their lives.
Do not force your advice and suggestions on them. Let them make their decisions. They have watched you long enough to learn from your mistakes; now let them make their own.
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