The belligerent and malicious ‘haffa’ Ph.D

Feb 25, 2026 Letters

Dear Editor,

Ready for some satire? In bygone days, when our currency was worth a lot more, a local expression was “haffa millionaire.” Meaning half a millionaire, someone worth about five hundred thousand Guyana dollars. For example, in a conversation between A and B, A would point to someone nearby and, in a hushed and awed tone say, “You see that man? He is a haffa millionaire!” In a similar way, today we have some ‘haffa Ph.D’s’.

One well known haffa (who loves to hear his own voice) writes for the NAW (National Donkey Wipe). His friends and inner circle fondly call him Spittoon. Spittoon graduated from the school of “Make yourself big by pulling others down.”

In other words, Crab School. Now, why is Spittoon only a haffa? Why did he not graduate with the coveted doctorate? Spittoon, who knows everyone’s business, coyly guards that secret. Rarely, he tells some cock and bull story about leaving his studies to support a revolutionary regime in the Caribbean. I call BS.

Could it have something to do with his teenage track record of ‘sticky fingers’, especially around books, a habit he himself admitted to? Did he continue that nasty habit when he went to study in the frozen north? If so, did it get him into trouble and stall his progress? Inquiring minds want to know. Years ago, he butted heads with a tenured and solid professor, a real Ph.D, who is now happily ensconced in the Head Honcho’s Office (HHO). Said professor raked Spittoon over the coals and teased him mercilessly, constantly calling him “Big Coat Spittoon.” Is a big coat used to hide books? Just asking. These days, Spittoon is all praise for the professor. Eh eh! Look how times change! Monkey know which limb to climb on.

Spittoon loves to call himself a historian. What he should say is that he has a history degree. Big difference. After all, one expects that a historian would have written some history books, but guess what? Even though Spittoon frequently pounds his chest and boasts about the twenty six years he taught at the local university, he didn’t write a single book! That’s right. No book on history. In fact, no book on any subject! Zero, zilch, nada. How in heaven’s name did they retain him at the university? Are there no standards or minimum expectations? At any university worth its name, the rule is “Publish or perish!” Yet, this poser Spittoon habitually takes pot shots at those who are his betters, academically and in every other way. The nerve! The barefaced, shameless gall!

Spittoon recently wrote that Cheddi had predicted that people who took an extreme political position would eventually end up on the other side of the political spectrum. He gave examples. Does Spittoon forget (and does he think the public forgets) that for a very long time he was dead set against the PPP and viciously attacked it, even ending up in court facing “shine head.” Not to mention the tasty pie thrown at him! Now he is bending over backwards, going overboard to atone for his anti PPP past. Spittoon ears long but he nah hear he own story!

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