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When Sam Dead, Rose Shine
Dem Boys Seh
Kaieteur News – Funeral is plenty money dese days. Dese days people frighten bad bad fuh dead. Not because of pain or hellfire—but because funeral does cost more than a house lot in Eccles.
When dem undertaker tell you what it will cost, yuh does want believe that coffin now come wid AC, Bluetooth, and Wifi. Yuh ain’t even get to enjoy it, but yuh family gotta pay like yuh buying a Lexus.
Undertaker charging yuh fuh embalm. Then yuh got caterers, tents, chair covers, sound system, and printed T-shirts—fuh somebody who na even breathing.
One man tell he family, “If I dead, just cremate me and dash me ash pon de seawall—suh I could finally get a breeze.”
Dem boys seh it used to be a burden to live, now is a liability to dead.
Yuh better tek vitamins, drink bush tea, and stay alive. At least GPL bill got payment plan. Cemetery don’t!
But lang ago we never had all of these problems. People used to set aside money fuh dem burial… like meh friend Sam.
Sam dead. Leff ten million Guyana dollars in he will fuh he funeral. Big, elaborate thing he did want.
De last mourners just step out de yard when Rose, he wife, turn to she best fren Patsy and seh, “I think Sam woulda been pleased, man.”
Patsy whisper, “I sure he woulda. But tell me something, gyal — how much de whole thing really cost?”
Rose seh calm calm, “De whole $10 million.”
Patsy nearly choke pon she black cake. “Wha?! Yuh serious?! De ting look nice, but $10 million? Wah really cost suh much?”
Rose start count pon she finger: “De funeral home tek $1.3 million. Church get a small $100,000 donation. Food and drinks was ‘bout $100,000 too. De rest went to de memorial stone.”
Patsy squint up she eye. “So yuh telling me $8.5 million guh pun a memorial stone? Wah kinda big fancy stone is dat?”
Rose smile sweet sweet, lean in and seh: “Is not big… is 17 and a half carats.”
Talk half. Leff half
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