Leaving an Abusive Relationship

Jun 01, 2025 Features / Columnists, News, Waterfalls Magazine

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Towards a better life with your psychologist…

Dr. Telford Layne

Clinical Psychologist -Psychoanalyst

Dr. Telford Layne Jr. PsyD, MSc. Postgrad, BSc.

Clinical and Developmental Psychologist -Psychoanalyst

Unwrapping Gift -Clinic

Kaieteur News- Leaving an abusive relationship can feel daunting and risky, but remaining in such a situation can be even more harmful

It’s important to understand that anyone can find themselves in an abusive relationship. Often, we start off with attraction and interest only to later discover that our partner exhibits emotional, mental, spiritual, sexual, or physical abuse, or neglect.

Most people that discover that their relationship is abusive and still stay were either themselves in an abusive parent and child relationship; had been through secondary trauma, in abusive relationships with parents, care givers or close family and friends, or in their young adulthood being in a relationship that was abusive which stripped them of self-esteem, confidence, values and their identity. These previous abusive relationships, condition individuals to be psychologically broken which conditions them to see abusive relationships as normal ways of life, accepting it as normal societal behavior or even acts of love.

Simply advising someone to leave an abusive relationship can be unhelpful and may not address the underlying issues. Staying in the abusive relationship is not the cause factor, it’s a symptom of something much bigger; possibly lack of self-esteem; lack of self-confidence and lack of self-value or distorted self-values.

This has a chain response with repel effect, good self-esteem boosted self-confidence or self-value

We don’t tell men and women to leave abusive relationship when they would have spent years even decades in parent and child relationship which may be on going, as if they can just walk out from their abusive romantic abusive relationship. We empower men and women in abusive relationship.

We rebuild their self-esteem, which gives them self confidence that they can do anything and that they have or can acquire the ability and capacity that’s needed. This builds and strengthens self-values. Believing that they are someone worthy, deserving and needs better in life.

Empowering them will also erase the distorted self-concept that’s negative about them and they can be clothed in their own self-identity that’s health.

Empowering men and women do not only equip them to leave abusive relationships but destroy their taste for any abusive relationship in the future. This is the right way that brings healing and avoidance of a life time of nightmares.

In fact, the most dangerous time in an abusive relationship is post-break-up. Most women and some men are more likely to be killed in the weeks after leaving their abusive partner than at any other time during the relationship.

Women, you do not just wake up one morning and run out of your abusive relationship. If you leave ill-prepared, you will return or run into another abusive relationship. Many women complain, why do I keep getting the same partner very time. Healing prevents this recycling of the same relationship in different persons.

You cannot tell a woman to leave; she will not leave. You have to empower a woman, and she will see the need and develop the capacity, to leave.

Note: Until you actually leave, only you, God, and three persons the most, should know that you are planning on leaving or the tentative date of leaving.

 

Preparation for Leaving:

1. *Change Your Narrative:* shift your perspective on your situation. Understand that you deserve better and that this does not define your life.

 

2. *Reconnect with yourself:* reflect on your life and seek professional help if needed. Therapists can offer valuable insights and assistance in your healing journey.

 

3. *Embrace New Beginnings:* understand that starting over is not only possible but can be the best option for your future, regardless of your age or background.

 

4. *Invest in Self-Care:* focus on healing from within. Invest time and energy into your mental and emotional well-being rather than external appearances.

 

5. *Build a Support System:* confide in a small circle of trusted professionals who can offer guidance, financial support, and practical assistance during your transition. This could include finding housing, employment, and ensuring any children are well taken care of during the process.

 

6. *Strengthen Connections:* reconnect with family and friends who can provide support and understanding. Having a strong social network is vital for your journey ahead.

 

7. *Financial Preparation:* start saving money and cutting unnecessary expenditures to create a financial cushion for your new beginning.

 

8. *Limit Contact with Your Abuser:* As much as possible, avoid accepting gifts or help from the abuser. This behavior can complicate your decision to leave.

 

Leaving

*Taking the Next Steps:* When you feel ready and have a plan in place, compose a respectful letter to your partner, outlining your reasons for leaving and any arrangements regarding children. It’s important to communicate your thoughts clearly while prioritizing your safety.

 

Never agree to meet one on one. If you have to meet let the environment, be under your control and your terms public space with several of your protectors during the day.

 

Post leave Plans

 

Continue to get professional help to deal with your emotions and cognitive disabilities. It will be a long growing progress. Never give in to the temptation to stop before the program is finished even if you feel the personal growth.

These sessions are to prevent you from going back to your partner and to prevent you from starting a new relationship with his or her twin.

Cut for a while the late nights going out partying events etc.

Invest in yourself, school, business, etc.

Continue to strengthen the social network that you began connecting with and establishing before you left.

Stay out of a sexual relationship for at least a year depending on the progress you are making with your self-esteem, and self-value.

 

In conclusion, leaving an abusive relationship is a significant step toward reclaiming your life. By empowering yourself and planning carefully, you can pave the way for a healthier, more fulfilling future. Remember, the journey may be challenging, but it is also an opportunity for personal growth and transformation.

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