It’s hard to leave my abusive relationship

May 07, 2018 News

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– a victim tells her story

By Shevon Nedd

“Between a rock and a hard place;” that popular adage represents the position where Anna (fictitious name) finds herself even as she seeks direction to a better reality.
The abused woman is faced with two options; it is either she lives in endless emotional and physical torment or leaves her abuser who threatens to kill her if she does.
Within a recent four-week span, more than four Guyanese women were brutally killed by their partners. Anna does not want to realize a similar fate but feels as if the odds are against her.
Even though the 23-year-old mother of two, chose to tell her story, she shuddered to think what would happen if she really exposed her husband and thus spoke on the grounds of anonymity.
Anna left her home (in another region) almost four years ago, to live with relatives in Georgetown “because I was escaping another type of abuse.”
After moving to Georgetown, Anna was perused by James an officer in the Guyana Police Force, who she said presented himself to be a loving and caring person.
As fate would have it, Anna became pregnant a few months after meeting James. She said that that was when the physical abuse began.

“I did not expect him to behave that way but I was pregnant and I stayed with him because I thought he would change,” she said.
While battle abuse and managing to keep it from her family, Anna found herself pregnant with her second child. She then married her abuser.
“I felt as though I had no other choice but to marry him because I now had two children I need to care for and with no job to financially care for them—plus I loved him,” said Anna.
After marriage, James became less abusive and Anna thought he was beginning to change his ways. But all that quickly changed when Anna began questioning James’ infidelity. She said, “He got another woman and I started to ask him about it and the abuse started again.”
James would beat Anna in public, in their home and in the presence of their children. He also started accusing her of having an extramarital relationship.
“He would beat me for anything… simple, simple things,” she said.

But the worse, she explained, was when he physically abused her in public while they were walking home.
“He was accusing me of being with someone else and I raised my voice and he started beating me. Our son has a big toy truck; he took that and pelt me with it. It hit my head and he started to beat me in front of my children. The neighbours saw and came to my rescue. They collected me and my children and took us home by them,” Anna recounted.
Anna said James had also slammed her head to a wall, held on to her hair and “dragged” her down the stairs.
Anna explained that while she has found herself a job she is not in a financial position to take care of her children as her pay is even less that her rent.
Anna said she is trying to leave the relationship but James is not allowing her to go. This is despite the fact that he has become a “visiting husband.” Anna said that James now lives with another woman and would return home when there is a conflict with his extramarital relationship.
“He doesn’t live with me anymore but he pays the rent. He tells me I cannot be with anyone else or he will kill me. Whenever he and his woman are not on terms he would come and take out the spite on me,” a teary-eyed Anna said.
Given that James is a member of the Guyana Police Force, Anna said she is afraid to report the matter.
“He said if I go and make a report he would know because all the officers know him and they would tell him. I am afraid to go anywhere, I really need help but because of who he is I am afraid that reporting the matter would make it worse.”
Anna said she feels as though there is no way out because of the threats to her life and her financial situation.
The abused woman is pleading with women who see early signs of abuse to leave the relationship before it becomes “complicated and it is hard to leave” or before they become another statistic as deaths resulting from domestic violence continue to climb.
Stacy Singh, a Guyanese woman, was New York’s first Murder for this year. On January 2, the 26-year-old mother of two was stabbed repeatedly in the back and left face-down at her Richmond Hill home. Her abusive husband hanged himself from a tree in a city park.
On March 31, Orwain Sandy, a GDF Captain allegedly shot and killed his reputed wife, Reona Payne, in broad daylight in Alexander Village. It was reported that Sandy was allegedly abusive towards Payne for years before the killing. Sandy surrendered to police after fatally shooting her 14 times. The matter is currently before the court.
On April 1, a 39-year-old minibus driver was taken into custody after his former lover, who visited him on Good Friday, was found dead following a fight with him. A few days after, the bus driver was charged with her murder.
On April 14, a 36-year-old Guyanese cosmetologist, Onica King, was brutally murdered in front of her two children in Barbados where she plied her trade. Her killer is still on the run.
On April 20, a 23-year-old housewife and mother of two, Darmattie Persaud called Kalvina, of Belmonte, Mahaica, was brutally murdered by her reputed husband in front of her children, ages seven and five. The suspect reportedly became enraged after the woman ran away from his abusive behaviour several weeks ago and was staying with her sister.
On April 26, an abattoir employee, Nigel Glasgow, killed his reputed wife Dianna Hernandez and their three dogs, then set a neighbour’s house alight before trying to take his own life. Glasgow who had ingested a poisonous substance died a day after.
On the same day, Dianna Hernandez, a 36-year-old woman of Wismar Linden had hot liquid thrown on her by her husband.
The woman survived the ordeal but suffered first and second degree burns about her body. After committing the act, it was reported that the perpetrator went to the police station and reported the matter.

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