A ‘sweet man’ and a rigger of elections

Nov 06, 2024 Features / Columnists, Peeping Tom

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…Peeping Tom

Kaieteur News- They say love and politics are twins separated at birth. You think you’re getting one thing—a heart-warming, trustworthy romance, or a fair and honest election—and you end up with a broken heart and a lot of “miscounted” ballots.

Picture this: the perennial faithless lover, sauntering into your life, all sugar and spice, with promises smoother than velvet. He’s dressed to the nines in charm, brimming with assurances that this time, he’ll play it straight. But once you’ve given him a chance (again!), the betrayal arrives like clockwork.

He’s slick, well-groomed, and he knows how to promise you the moon—and if he can’t reach that, maybe some other celestial bodies will do. Much like the classic ‘sweet man,’ there is the rigger who is as slippery as a greased eel. At first, he only flirts with electoral boundaries, pushing them here and there. He tells you, “I’ve changed. This time it’s real,” while simultaneously trying to cheat on the elections. And like the ‘sweet man’ some are tempted to believe him because, let’s face it, he’s got that thing—a twinkle in his eye, a reassuring grin, a voice that seems like it couldn’t lie if it tried.

But oh, does it try.

There he is, knee-deep in ballot boxes, claiming he was just “making sure they were safe.” It’s a reasonable excuse, you think, and maybe he just got a little overzealous. He puts on a soulful expression, says something about “counting every vote.” He might even tear up. You melt. How could you doubt him? He’s so earnest. But just as you start to trust him again, he slips right back into old habits. The next election, he’s a bit craftier. He’s learned new tricks such as changing numbers. And, like a seasoned sweet man, he has perfected the art of gaslighting: “And haven’t I delivered?”

Sure, he’s transparent—transparent in his cunning. He wants you to know he’s manipulating the results just enough to keep things interesting but not so much that you’d call him out. And the worst part is, it works. Each time you suspect foul play, he spins it with such finesse, you start questioning your own sanity. “Honey, there’s no reason to worry,” he’ll coo. “All elections are like this! Haven’t you ever heard of ‘incumbent advantage’?”

And like the ‘sweet man’, just when you’ve finally mustered up the strength to walk away, he does the one thing that always pulls you back: he begs for a second chance. He’s full of apologies, elaborate promises, a grand speech about democracy and the will of the people, which he’ll uphold this time. He swears he’ll stick to the straight and narrow; he’s a changed man. All he needs, he says, is “a bit of patience and a fair shot.” Like any good lover, he knows just how to tug at your heartstrings.

So you take him back, just one last time. You watch him closely, waiting for the signs. And sure enough, they appear. This time, it’s even more blatant. He’s talking to other ballots behind your back, stuffing his results where he thinks you won’t notice, whispering sweet nothings to swing voters and persuading them to turn out just for him. But you see through his lies. You confront him, yet he has the audacity to act hurt. “How could you be so suspicious of me?” he’ll say, his voice dripping with wounded pride. He’s playing the victim now. “I’ve done everything for you, for us, for democracy! Isn’t it enough?”

And here’s the rub: as any long-suffering lover will tell you, he has no intention of changing. He’s got his way, and he’s sticking to it. Even if he has to bend the rules, fudge a few numbers, or orchestrate an elaborate “recount.” Because at the end of the day, he’s in love with one thing and one thing only— trying desperately to win. And he’ll do whatever it takes to stay on top, to keep you in his thrall, to make you believe, time and time again, that maybe, just maybe, this election will be different.

Eventually, you grow cynical. You watch him with a half-smile, shaking your head knowingly. You’ve seen this act before. He’ll do his sweet-talking, pull his strings, work his shadowy magic. And for a while, it will work. People will believe him, they’ll trust in his ability to “represent” them. But you? You’re no fool. You’ve been through too many broken promises, too many stolen votes.

But don’t expect him to ever leave. He’ll be there, smiling, waiting for you to fall for his charms again, while he tries to cheat his way into office for the umpteenth time. Because, in the end, a rigger of elections is like a sweet man: always begging for one more chance, always promising a better tomorrow. And like the eternal lover, he’s never faithful—except to his own ambition.

(The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of this  newspaper.) 

(A ‘sweet man’ and a rigger of elections)

 

 

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• brimming with assurances, Peeping Tom, sweet man, The next election, trustworthy romance

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