Do not begrudge another

Jun 20, 2023 Features / Columnists, Peeping Tom

Kaieteur News – I saw this guy on Tik Tok and he was saying that it is not useful to be envious of people because you do not know their full story. He gave an example of man driving by with a Ferrari and a pretty woman. And he says that persons would say to themselves that the guy in the fancy car and pretty companion has got everything. But what you do not know is that that same guy may have had to lie and cheat his way to his wealth and the woman next to him has her own problems.

And yet we envy these persons. We do so without knowing their stories. We see persons with wealth and power, and as successful and we become envious. But we do not know how they got what they got and the problems they have but which we cannot see. Each person’s life is far more complex than we can ever know. Their struggles and experience may not be yours. Their values may be different. You may not want to do what they did to achieve what they achieved.

Each individual’s journey is shaped by a multitude of factors that may be hidden beneath the surface. You cannot know a person just by looking at him or her. Thus, it is unwise to envy someone based solely on external appearances or possessions, for we do not possess the full story. Envy arises from a superficial comparison, focusing only on what is visible and ignoring the intricacies of another person’s life. Behind the exterior appearances, there may be hidden challenges, sacrifices, and personal battles that are not immediately apparent. What may seem like success or abundance may be accompanied by unseen hardships or sacrifices.

Everybody has their story. You have yours. As the guy on the Tik Tok video says, you do not want someone else’s fate. Your fate’s enough. There are other reasons why you should not envy someone for what they are or have. Envy is unhealthy. It is not an emotion which can cause happiness and bitterness and lead to frustration. When we become fixated on what others have achieved or acquired, we are actually diminishing our own accomplishments and self-worth. And this drives us to get our goals beyond reach and make us very unhappy persons.

Two weeks ago, a psychologist Monica Vermani, writing in Psychology Today, warned, “When a friend lands that dream job, wins a coveted award, announces their engagement, or buys their dream house, envy can come out of nowhere and hit us like a ton of bricks. Our self-esteem plummets, and we experience a range of uncomfortable emotions, from humiliation, anger and resentment, to a sense of hopelessness.”

You cannot and should not judge your success on the basis of others. They have their own circumstances; yours are different. No two persons are the same and therefore each person’s success is their own and should make you feel any way less or inadequate about what you have or have not achieved. Envy is a poisonous emotion. It breeds bitterness and resentment, especially when we begrudge others for what they have. Envy snatches away your happiness and fills you with jealously which can affect your relationship with others as well as frustrate you in your own quest to happy and contended.

No one can have everything is life. And the more you envy people for what they are, the more you become discontented and frustrated. So set your own goals and not let these be defined by envy for what others have. Envy distracts you from your own passions and aspirations, as we become preoccupied with emulating someone else’s path. It stifles creativity and authentic self-expression, robbing us of the joy that comes from discovering and nurturing our own talents and interests. In our ceaseless quest to possess what others have, we neglect to appreciate the beauty of our own individuality. You have to be grateful for what you have and the fact that you were born and you are alive. Life is a gift. It could have been someone else born instead of you and therefore you should be happy that you have seen this world regardless of how rich or how poor you are.

(The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and beliefs of this newspaper and its affiliates.)

begrudge, fancy, Monica Vermani, Peeping Tom, Tik Tok

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