Responsible parenthood is one of the greatest shows of responsibility

Sep 18, 2022 News

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The Creators’ Coven

By Zena Henry

Kaieteur News – In my last writing, I used motherhood as an example to illustrate a point about taking responsibility for one’s self. I’ve been on the topic of accountability and responsibility a few columns now, as someone who has come to understand but is still learning to efficiently apply this principle. The older I get the more I appreciate the impacts that could be made once I choose to hold myself accountable and act as much as possible in a responsible manner. It really doesn’t matter what the situation is. My experiences have taught me one certain thing, my greatest power lies in my reaction to what is taking place around me. I therefore understood the need to be responsible for my actions and the choices I make, especially if I want to have the greatest control and outcomes in my life. I certainly accept that we are never really in total control- that is left up to the Creator, but I do believe though, that we surely have the power to steer our lives in a particular direction to achieve our desires.

There is no blame, criticism or shame here, because we are all responsible, we just choose what it is we want to be responsible and disciplined about. We have particular interests, so we work towards that. If we want to learn an instrument, we practice every day- we want money, we work and anything we want to achieve, we put in the effort and go towards that because it is within our interest. So, that is being responsible and there is nothing wrong with us putting in the energy for something we want. The challenge comes in when we need to be responsible, disciplined and put in the effort for something we want or even need, but we must dig deep to attain. The challenge comes when the reward is great, and the effort demanded is just as great. See, we often put in the effort when something is within close reach or we are dead set on achieving something. I have noticed, even with myself that we often shun the effort and discipline that is needed to address things that are not within our immediate need, that we don’t see as bringing great benefit to us or requires more effort than we are willing to put in.

Now, the last few columns highlighted why assuming an attitude of being responsible is useful to us. Not just because being responsible helps to achieve our desires, wants and needs, but because it helps us to co-habit as well. Indeed, being responsible significantly helps an individual, but excising that principle also helps us to help others, and to coexist with each other.  How I see it actually, is if we were to truly incorporate accountability/responsibility into our societies, we would know exactly what each other’s salary looks like but that’s for an even deeper discussion. What’s important however, is how effective being responsible for one’s self is and the great personal and societal benefits that come with it. The main benefit from being responsible for your life is peace of mind and various types of successes. My previous writings focused heavily on personal successes where responsibility is concerned. And that has to do with success in family life, work, education, society and so much more.

But last week’s column seemed to snatch the interest of several persons in my decision to use motherhood to explain responsibility. Now mind you, I mentioned motherhood because I was speaking about myself, but this information is extremely relevant to parenthood in general. I was told it’s a ‘sensitive’ topic and some persons may disagree with my reasoning, which is very fine. I, nonetheless, explained last week that I am in my mid- 30s and some close ones to me keep insisting on me getting pregnant. I maintain, in my book, pregnancy is not something one just decides on overnight although in many cases, getting pregnant is way easier than actually preparing for a child. My logic on this –  that people insist on a woman or man having a child because they are of a particular age or would have achieved certain things in life is not grounds for having a child. Having a child is not an achievement or the hallmark of being grown or alive where I am concerned. In fact, I have a deeper belief in what having a child entails, and for me, it demands a specific potion of my existence being dedicated to that human, especially within a specific period of their life so that I help to develop the best individual I can offer this world. And that is where responsibility comes in. Having a child is not cheap since it is not a one day or one year task. When I am asked about a child, I quickly ask the individual for my first five-year sponsorship of funds to raise that child, and the first year’s installment on my child’s college fund. Of course, I get all the ‘screw faces’, but these are all requirements that would be needed for this baby. I also ask about their babysitting commitments and how often they will be looking to keep this baby.

Outside of this, I said in my writing that many of us decide to have kids knowing darn well we are not ready mentally, financially and even emotionally. Some of us have dreams that we failed to achieve and every day it burns the heart that it was not. Some of us even blame the children for our failure and where some of us might not, we continue to live our lives as if the baby is not here or; is not supposed to be a priority. So yes, I will use parenthood as an example when imparting the seriousness of taking responsibility for one’s life. Some of us say too that the pregnancy was accidental, that the good time wasn’t meant on creating a little one. The question begs therefore, who then should take up responsibility for your mistake? Even if that child was not planned, I believe that once you decide to keep that baby, it is your duty, your responsibility to drop everything and pay attention to that soul, it is a human obligation in my book and it cannot be business as usual. Because our men do not feel this way, we see large numbers of fatherless children- a trend we have described for a long time as a societal scourge. I can speak from experience because my mom died when I was just a year old, and one could only imagine what some of the experiences without a parent that genuinely cares felt like; a deceased mother and a nonchalant father who I will add, just happened to die in my arms earlier this year after spending his last days in my care. This man hardly played a role in my life up until 14 years, and was gone from my life after. Ain’t life funny?

Consider this; each failure to aid in the development of good humans is pressure on our societies and our existence. Every child that is failed increases the possibility of having lost characters within our societies; I do not want to be a part of that.

I ask people who think I am too grown not to have a child is whether they are aware of how many parentless and unloved children there are out there. Yes, the feeling may be different when it is your child, but is the right of any child to be loved and cared for any different? I don’t think so. They say I might adopt a child and that child could do the gods to me. But sure, a person is a person and don’t we say that no parent controls the mind of their child, that we can only mould them? Again, this is no criticism, just my thoughts on how considerate we must be in making such an impactful decision that could weigh heavily on our existence here. I think we are very lucky when we see these roses that grew from concrete.

 

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