If you can drive in Guyana, you can drive anywhere

Feb 17, 2022 Features / Columnists, Peeping Tom

It is said that if you can drive in Guyana, then you can drive anywhere in the world. The drivers of Guyana are amongst the most highly skilled in the world, and this may have to do with the fact that most of them learned to drive in other persons’ vehicles.
When you are driving another person’s vehicle you tend to take more chances than usual because it is not yours and therefore if you hit something, somebody else will have to foot the bill.
And when one driver tells another something, you can bet there will be a response. In fact, two drivers can hold up traffic for minutes while they swear at each other.
One day a driver was going down a road and approached a car that was coming in the other direction. Although there was room for the first car to pass, he forced the oncoming driver to slow down. Winding down his window, he shouted at the other driver, “Pig!”
The other driver immediately got upset, continued on, and while looking in the rear view mirror, swore at the first driver. Then his car hit a pig which was in the middle of the road.
In Guyana there is a law against using cellular phones while driving, but every day you can see hundreds of drivers, sometimes even police officers, chatting away on their phones while driving.
People do all kinds of things behind the wheel. One day a traffic cop pulled alongside a speeding car. Glancing into the car, he was astounded to see the young lady who was driving busy knitting, yes knitting. Realising that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, he wound down his window, turned on the loudspeaker and yelled, “PULL OVER!”
”NO,” the young lady yelled back, “IT’S A SCARF!”
In Guyana there is a law against tints. When the law was first enforced, vehicle owners were forced to pay thousands of dollars to remove the tints from their vehicles, and in some instances had to change their windows because they were factory-tinted, meaning that the tints were within the glass and therefore could not be removed.
Today when you drive around Guyana, there are hundreds of vehicles with tints. And some officials are not setting an example. Their vehicles are the more heavily tinted.
One fellow is so brazen and his vehicle so heavily tinted, that there is a sign on his backwind screen boasting that you cannot see him, and you really cannot, how darkly tinted the vehicle is.
There is also a law against driving under the influence (DUI) and there are breathalysers to help the police in making a case against those driving under the influence.
Many police, however, prefer not to haul those found DUI before the courts. In fact, the preoccupation with DUI is as such that some police patrols actually go and park outside some of the more popularly frequented watering holes, and when the patrons get out and drive off in the cars they are pulled over and told that they have to go to the station to do a breathalyser test. Most drivers are able to convince the patrols that prey outside these watering holes not to go to the station.
One night, the police pull over a driver who was weaving all over the road. They order him out of the car and told him to go to the station to do a breathalyser test. In his intoxicated state he agreed. But just then the police received a report about a robbery nearby. They told the man to remain where he was, they will be right back, and proceeded to run down the road to where the robbery was taking place.
The man waited and waited and after a while got impatient and decided to drive home. When he arrived home, he told his wife that he was going to bed, and that she should tell anyone that comes knocking that he is ill and had been in bed all day.
A few minutes later, the police knocked on the door. They asked if Mr. X lived there and his wife said yes. They asked to see him and his wife said that he was bed ill and had been there all day. However, the police had his driver’s licence. They asked to see his car, so she took them to the garage and opened the door where they found the police car, lights still flashing.
(The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of this newspaper.)

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