Time to hand out some well-earned national awards

Dec 13, 2021 Letters

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Dear Editor,
In seasonal spirit, it’s time to hand out well-earned national awards to devoted sons of the soil. Since, I am judge and jury, no argument is brooked, no appeal available.
The award for the wisest COVID-19 safety practices belongs to the Hon. Minister of Health. He insisted on vaccination, and then all but eliminated the curfew. Midnight to 4 is no curfew; and I don’t want to hear of a National Task Force’s decision. He takes a beating for the country, party, and the roguery (partying) of others. Separately, who the hell goes to the UAE for vaccines? It’s pharmaceutical (dude) not petroleum; a serum, not sand. Now there’s a choice for booster: Burma, Botswana, or Brazil (got mine). The poor Indians, democratic ones, gave Guyana free vaccines, and we give the sweet oil to the Saudis. Minister Frankie Dr. ‘Immunity’ Anthony gets the gold medal. For next year’s medal consideration, I suggest doing away with masking, since it inhibits having a ‘good’ drink.
The award for the most versatile with transparency goes to His Excellency. There is Guyanese leadership transparency, and the best precedent, which PPP celebrants should love. Dr. LFS Burnham (he had an honourary one, too) said he was transparent about elections victories. Just like how today, His Excellency ‘sez’ he is transparent about ethical leadership, clean oil, and cleaner governance. PPP supporters were damned for saying that the transparency was in the rigging. Today, they damn me for saying that the president’s transparency is how he is rigging the English Language and rigging truth: Oil secrecy, contract secrecy, reports secrecy, money secrecy. I tell him: secrecy is not transparency. If he is doing no wrong, then Burnham did not, too. Let’s not wait 28 years for that discovery. The runner-up in this Most Versatile Performer category goes to the other fella, the country’s real leader, not the proxy. He, too, professes affection for accountability, but works overtime to conceal a deeper affection for trickery, other people’s honey, and general financial mystery.
The most miraculous recovery award boasts joint winners. The first is one who couldn’t recall anything that occurred under his watch, not for the life of him. This citizen went before a fixed, friendly national tribunal, and couldn’t remember one damn thing, now he knows everything through the miracle of newly discovered photographic memory. It was I don’t recall. I don’t recall. Stop asking, damnit! What is not understood (or misunderstood) about I don’t recall? Asked about national security threats (not I, surely?) or rogue cops in high places: no recall. But, nowadays, he is a blubbering, babbling brook, the equivalent of Guyana’s Encyclopedia Britannica. The man remembers everything. I heard about fake news and fake orgasms; but faked memories are too much. A miraculous recovery award is due to the former minister of something. I can’t recall what; please excuse me.
The second half of the most miraculous recovery award, leaving me awed, goes to the esteemed Deputy Speaker. I say it must be divine intervention. In the case of the Deputy Speaker, I hope it is the real thing, and not another special dispensation that falls to pieces under pressure. Or leadership overtures and incentive(s). I may have to take back the award if he shifts into reverse, or switches lanes too rapidly. The Deputy Speaker must be focused. Committed to truth. Principled and a consistent presence on the straight and narrow. And to think this fine Guyanese aspired to be president. How about faithful service to truth, justice, and the Guyanese way (whatever that is).The national award for best problem solver and stellar overachiever goes to Anil, His Majesty Nandlall, SC. The man thinks so highly of himself that it is not Senior Counsel, but most Senior Council (a Star Chamber all by his royal, high-caste self). The honourable one has never seen a reform occasion that he didn’t grasp gleefully to make a flashy reform speech. Media reform is the AG; electoral reform (guess who?); judicial reform (right again). But he is a real wisecracker, this Guyana AG, for he “ain’t taakin nuthin” bout campaign finance reform. “De PNC dun agree: no conflict.” No pushback with this nonsense about installed and recognition by either side. No, sir! Not when dirty money and heavy money laundering funding are concerned. Are the Americans still here? I hear them chattering about anti-graft and anti-corruption. I have an award for them: most hypocritical. Why no hands-on, close-up involvement, dear friends?
For conspicuous gallantry (not the PM) for sword-fencing with truth, none beats the man of god inside the PPP. First, it was the airport will be done. Guaranteed. Then, like Clint Eastwood, only for a few (million) dollars more. It is the equal of Burnham’s not a blade of grass. The President and the Bishop said to the contractors (“deh own peeple who duz give plentee monee to de partee”) this is absolute nonsense. Thank god, the cameras were veiled, so as not to catch the smile and style and guile. Where do we get these people from? These political televangelists! Meanwhile, the contractors – Guyanese and Chinese – smirk, rub their hands in readiness to present the next bill.
The PNC gets the Golden Globe award (national too small) for how [not] to run elections. It’s an exercise in transparency, integrity, stupidity, of the worst kind imaginable. Next, top PNC supporters receive the most adaptable award: yesterday, ‘dem’ was PNC, today, nothing but PPP. Indeed, Black Lives Matter, baby. There is Carl. From PNC strongman to frontiersman to PPP Government man, he is awarded, Man for all Seasons. Carl squared the circle. What Descartes, Archimedes, and Shakuntala Devi couldn’t do, Tropical Storm Carl did. He is a real hard luck case: first, he own PNC ‘rab hee’ of de leadership, now the PPP pick fight ‘wid’ he. He should do like me, don’t meddle with monsters. Last, it was close, but best citizens belong to PPP supporters nosing out PNC ones for most childlike, doe-like, and sheeplike.
Sincerely,
GHK Lall

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