My marriage breakdown, crashed car, David Hinds, Adam Harris and $US25,000

May 26, 2020 Features / Columnists, Freddie Kissoon

I wrote the other day that I have chalked up more than three decades in journalism. After that time, I should know how to write satire. But it looks like I cannot. But I have done several satirical pieces in my 32 years of journalism.
Trouble, serious, deep trouble ran into me the other day. I wrote a comical piece about the Russians interfering with the 2020 election by producing 35,000 facial images up the Linden highway made from a chemical skin that resemble 30,000 dead persons and 5,000 migrants and local Guyanese went into the polling booth and voted for these people. There were more jokes saturated in the entire article that I thought no sane person would believe. But thousands of people in and out of Guyana believed the jokes in the column.
Can I do another satirical piece without getting into trouble? I want to try my hand at it again because I believe I can write satire. So here goes. In what is to follow below, I will indicate what is fictional and just jokes from what is serious. I crashed my new car. I don’t know how it happened but things happen. Enter Adam Harris. I read something interesting that he wrote. He will name a well known anti-government critic who received US$25,000 for bashing the coalition government. Adam and I get along well so I am telling Adam to expect a call from me.
I have been critical of the APNU+AFC since 2015 because it went into macabre directions. I never received a cent, not one cent for my critiques. So if Adam can tell me who collected then, I want to get in because I crashed my car. That money will come in handy. If Adam is reading this, he has to help. How about collecting the US$25,000 from any side – the PPP to condemn the government or the APNU+AFC to ridicule the PPP? We’ll see what advice Adam offers.
Next is my friend David Hinds. David called me last week to ask me to join a panel on Globe Span with him, Clem Seecharan and Baytoram Ramharack. I am quite willing to participate from Guyana but you have to do so via Skype on your computer. I told David my computer is very old. It was given to me by David’s childhood Buxton friend, Anthony Sarjoo, who pioneered the computer industry in Guyana. Sarjoo was cleaning up, found the thing and gave it to me. It is old so it doesn’t have web-cam facilities through which Skype is possible.
I then suggested to David that he buy a laptop and send it for me and I will do the Globe Span interview. He said I must ask Glenn Lall. I declined. I told him that there is a risk for a columnist asking his newspaper boss for such favours. He reacted saying that flights to Guyana are suspended. I told him cargo flights are still on, so he can still send the laptop. The laptop should be here at any moment at Laparkan.
How do you approach the contents of this column? Well let us separate the sheep from the goats. I will indicate what is fictional and just jokes from what is serious. First, my marriage hasn’t broken down. I doubt it ever will. My wife is my permanent soul-mate. That is a joke. But seriously my wife is ragingly mad with me. I crashed our new car.
Secondly, do you think I want to cash in on money that is being given to people to condemn the government or take money from the PPP? Not me. I don’t want anything to do with an APNU+AFC administration. I will keep far away from the PPP if it becomes the next government after the recounting. At this late stage in my life, I will sell my soul? But the car needs money to fix.
David and I did chat about the laptop. That is no joke. Is David sending the laptop? I don’t know if he will. But if he does, shall I take it? But seriously, why should I let David spend his hard-earned cash to buy me a laptop? Should I take David’s advice and ask Glenn Lall? Surely, I am not that bad off that I cannot fund one for myself. So here ends my second attempt at satire in the space of a week. It is not satire because in satire, you write and leave the question hanging. Here I separated fact from fiction. Tomorrow, I have an appointment with Clairmont Mingo. He called me and said he wants to teach me mathematics.

(The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of this newspaper.)

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