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Forum held to empower men to stand up against domestic violence
By Trishan Craig
According to reports, women, more than men, have been on the receiving end of instances of domestic violence. But such acts are no less hurtful when perpetrated against men.
Against this backdrop, a group of men have initiated a movement aimed at empowering others to speak out on being victims of domestic violence against men and women.
This was seen as essential since oftentimes societies do not see the factors leading up to acts of violence. Take for example if a woman slaps a man to the face, society usually expects him to be the bigger person and simply walk away.
He is expected to be strong enough to take it. However, forgotten in the equation is the fact that an offence was committed in which the man was assaulted.
At a recent forum, it was amplified that many men are suffering in silence. The panelists at the forum were men who had themselves experienced domestic violence.
They shared their experiences of being constantly nagged at, embarrassed or blamed for not being able to meet a need of their partner. A participant at the forum spoke of experiencing physical abuse.
As a result of their experiences, the men have made it clear that women too are perpetrators, aggressors and abusers in cases of domestic violence. According to them, these are some factors that can cause a man to react in ways that can end in an undesirable manner. This is certainly not acceptable and the men made this pellucid.
Moreover, the forum sought to empower men to deliberately strive to take control of their response even when they are provoked to anger.
Furthermore, a call was made for male victims of domestic violence to reach out for help in much the way women do.
According to one of the panelist, when it comes to the social issue at hand, the figures are somewhat inaccurate, because men are far less likely to report cases of abuse or domestic violence at the hands of women.
The men also considered the fact that there have been reported instances where women were not entirely accurate in their reporting of domestic violence. It was disclosed that because men are viewed as the stronger gender when a report of domestic violence is reported, the word of the reporting woman is often taken as gospel.
Debbie Houston, who is a psychologist, said that, “Men who are victims of domestic violence are laughed at, seen as weak and not taken seriously. Quite often because of shame, they do not even report their experiences.”
She added, “Our young men are suffering inside because a lot of times, it is not their fault. However, I’m not saying they shouldn’t pay for their violent behaviours, but when you learn of the things that lead up to their actions you’re able to understand.”
The psychologist recommended that more time should be spent with young men educating them to have a sense of mindfulness. Mindfulness is the process of bringing one’s attention to experiences occurring in the present moment. According to Houston, a simple start to mindfulness is meditations sessions in schools so that persons can know how to express themselves. This in turn would help persons to better understand how to deal with situations affecting them.
From her encounters, Houston indicated that abusers feel an intense anger, especially towards society. Without help being extended to such a person, that person may feel as though society owes them something and they act out, Houston added.
However, the psychologist stressed that such persons are in need of support to help them understand that society doesn’t owe them anything and it is up to them to rise up against their situation and do what is best.
Houston also called for more forums to reach out to men even as she suggested that such events should be chaired by persons who can speak from experience so that they can effectively relate and empower the men to move away from a norm of domestic violence.
On the other hand, for youngsters, she spoke of the possibility of boot-camps to change their mind-set about domestic violence.
“Training should be provided to these persons and in the end use those same persons to train the newcomers,” said the psychologist as she added, “this can give the individual the opportunity to better their view of the matter.”
In closing she said, “It’s an emotional thing however that a victim must want to take heed to the help given. If you personally don’t want to see change in your situation nothing will change.”
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