Defending domestic violence is defending the indefensible

May 02, 2018 Letters

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Dear Editor,
Please allow me to reply to a letter titled ‘are we looking at it wrong?, written by Mr. Jafar Gibbons.
I have read this letter thrice and I’m still struggling to understand what this learned gentleman is trying to say. Is he saying that with domestic abuse we should focus on the men? Is he saying that domestic abuse is abhorrent? Is he saying he does not support domestic abuse?
Is he really saying that women get off too lightly? Is he saying that domestic abuse against men is a global issue? Is he saying we should try to understand terrorism from the terrorist perspective? What is the right and honourable gentleman really saying? I am at a loss.
To quote Gibbons, ‘But I believe we always give the women the easy road out of things’. Yes I agree with you. In the month of April four women were murdered by men in Guyana. One a week! Yes we always give women the easy road out of things Mr. Gibbons.
In 2018, so far at least 10 women have been murdered by men in Guyana. Globally a woman a day is being murdered by men. Whose blood is flowing in the streets of Guyana? Women. Who was shot 14 times? A woman. Who had her arm hacked off and her kids murdered in front of her? A woman.
Who was strangled? A woman. Who was hanged? A woman. Who had her throat cut? A woman. Who are commonly experiencing financial abuse? Women. Who are commonly experiencing physical abuse? Women. Who are commonly experiencing mental abuse? Women.
Let’s focus on the endangered species; men. Mr. Gibbons I have a little challenge for you. For every male abuse death you identify in Guyana over the past 10 years I will give you £1000. Potentially you could be a rich man Mr. Gibbons. I am not kidding. I am not saying one year. I am giving you ten years.
Yes, women are getting the easy road– the easy road to death; the easy road to mental abuse; the easy road to physical abuse; the easy road to financial abuse.
Ok. I’m being too hard on these poor vulnerable men. They are victims. We need to understand why they kill. They are being pushed to their limits. Society is just covering women in cotton wool and neglecting these emotionally labile men. I see their tears. I can feel their sorrow. I can feel their pains. Empathy. Yes empathy is the word. We should show them empathy.
Utter nonsense. They are murderers. That’s what they are; weak men who struggle to verbally communicate. Can only communicate with their fist, with their feet, with a machete, with a gun. Cowards. Weak men.
Mr. Gibbons, how could you try to defend such men? For me they should have public hanging by the families of the victims. Let’s say at Durban Park. It is just standing there idle. One man per week being hanged. Yes with tough penalties they will stop murdering our innocent women. Deterrent is the word. Deterrent is what we need.
Terrorist. A man blows himself up and kills 100 innocent people including children. He must have been oppressed. Let’s understand things from his perspective. Wow! Such people are terrorists and do not deserve sympathy; Do not deserve empathy; do not deserve rationalizing; do not deserve negotiations; do not deserve to dwell among us period.
Mr. Gibbons, you wrote, ‘My problem with domestic violence is how no one focuses on the man; how nobody turns to the guy and says, let’s just try to understand his perspective, so we can take a holistic approach to combat this phenomenon’.
What problem? The World Health Organisation recognised that globally, abuse perpetuated against women is a big problem. They have developed policies to address this. Mr. Gibbons are you saying that the WHO missed the boat? They should focus on men. Are men the real victims here?
Are men experiencing domestic abuse? Yes, probably the occasional slap of frustration. Are men being killed by their partners? Rarely. Do men experience financial abuse at the hands of women? Rarely. Do men experience physical abuse at the hands of women? On occasions. Do men experience mental abuse at the hands of women? Yes.
Is male domestic abuse a problem in Guyana? No. Is male domestic abuse a problem globally? No. So what’s there to understand Mr. Gibbons? Male domestic abuse is not a national or international problem. Women domestic abuse is, hence the marches, hence the slogan ‘ stop killing our women’, hence the headlines ‘ domestic violence is so unnecessary’
Finally Mr. Gibbons let’s try and understand why these men are understandably killing these ‘evil’ women. They cheat. They give us back chat. They raised their voices. They stand up for their rights. They take our houses. They take our kids. They humiliate us. The court supports them.
The police mock us but defend them. Are those justifiable reasons Mr. Gibbons? Men shouldn’t have to go through such trauma by anyone much less at the hands of a lowly woman. How dare they? We should just solve our problems from the end of a barrel of a gun. Is that what you are saying Mr. Gibbons?
Those are justifiable reasons to be killing our innocent women. Their blood staining our streets; the motherless kids; the traumatised family.
Let me say this and say this clear Mr. Gibbons. There is no justifiable reason to kill a woman, no justifiable reason to hit her. You want something to hit, go and hit a random man in the street with your size, your strength.
Don’t be a coward. Don’t hit her because she is physically weaker than you. Don’t kill her because she is not capable of defending herself. Men cheat and are allowed to live. Men raise their voices and are allowed to live. Men give back chat and are allowed to live. Men stand up for their rights and are allowed to live. Men humiliate women and are allowed to live.
The court is there to protect the weak and vulnerable and rightly so. Women and children.
Men who abuse women in my books are cowards. Anyone who tries to defend them is foolish. Such men need to learn one thing and one thing only. Keep their hands in their pockets or to their sides. Let our women talk until the cows come home. Most times that’s all they can do.
Dr. Mark Devonish
MBBS MSc MRCP( UK)

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