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Are we looking at it wrong?
DEAR EDITOR,
For me, I don’t condone or justify anything bad, but I try my best to at least understand the perpetrator’s perspective. For instance, when a suicide bomber blows up innocent or guilty persons, I feel it for the innocent just as much as I do for the suicide bomber.
For me, I try my best to understand how painful a situation that person was going through for them to think that blowing themselves up into pieces is the best way out of whatever it is.
I understand the oppression they must be under. I mean, most persons might say they are bad, it’s their religion or culture, or place they’re from. For me, nay, I try to understand that maybe, this person is oppressed. And oppression is worse than death. So in that sense, maybe their only peace is through dying, however they feel to kill themselves, that’s totally within their heads. Not saying it is the right thing to do or wrong thing to do, I’m saying, I understand. Or at least try to understand that level of pain.
It is the same for Domestic Violence. It is so easy for us to come up with slogans saying “stop killing our women” or like Mr. Harris’s headline Sunday “Domestic Violence is so unnecessary.”
I personally do not believe in hitting women. I don’t think it’s something to do. I’ve never grown in a home seeing a man hit at my mom, or in no house where the man was hitting a woman, so I can’t say that it’s something I condone.
My problem with domestic violence is how no one focuses on the man. How nobody turns to the guy and says, let’s just try to understand his perspective, so we can take a holistic approach to combat this phenomenon.
Let’s not shy away from the fact that the men who are being abused by their women literally have no one to turn to. And we can argue that all day, but I don’t write from a professional standpoint that sounds all good and nice, I write from personal physical experience.
People literally laugh at the man in this situation – especially some of the police ranks investigating the matter, who turn that entire probe into a worse situation, where the person is made to look like a terrible guy, so that they (investigating ranks) can become intimately involved with the victim. I’ve seen that with my own two eyes. I can go on and on.
Some women are out there doing whatever they feel with whoever they feel like while dragging us along and have us looking like fools. A friend of mine had to pay his wife to end a story in court where he put his hands on her. Let me tell you it.
The brother explained to me that he works in the interior, he and his wife got kids and his salary is close to a million dollars. He sees none of it. His boss pays his wife the money. Added to that, he has three cars – one of which is rented, so his wife gets money there too. Upon coming home after his usually six weeks stay, they always take a trip to any Caribbean island of her choice. She was cheating on this husband.
I won’t go on to tell you the end of this story; I can tell you that their issue didn’t make the news. But I’ll tell you this, when the guy is punished for this, has to pay fines, lawyer, etc. and the woman is made to walk out of the court with her head held high, then the men aren’t the problem, society is. And until we admit this, we maybe can start a real conversation about combating domestic violence.
Let me reiterate, I don’t condone domestic violence in any way, shape or form, but I believe we always give the women the easy road out of things.
Jafar Gibbons
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