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ABSENTEE FATHERS HURTING CHILDREN
In their book, Why Fathers Count: The Importance of Fathers and Their Involvement with Children, sociologists Sean E. Brotherson and Joseph M. White assert that fathers are important today more than ever to children, who need the presence and guidance of fathers in their life. The sociologists have touted the long held view that “to fix a nation you must fix the family.”
Sadly, it appears that our society has ignored that view as well as the importance and value of the family as the primary socializing influence on children. In light of the troubling behaviour of some of our children, mostly boys, we have to pay more attention to the family.
Evidence of the collapse of our family structure and the resulting negative fallout from it is evident by the number of youths, mostly males, in prison. Most of the focus about the disturbing incidents involving our youth has been incorrectly blamed on the school system. The truth is, the home is the first training ground of children and until we get the family right, our social ills will continue to multiply.
Few will disagree that over the years, the family structure has changed for the worse. The extended family that once dominated our society is practically non-existent, and is replaced with the single-parent households led by mothers. We would admit that in some cases our children are paying the price. Until we address the issue of absentee fathers, more dangerous problems will continue to emerge.
In the past, Guyana undoubtedly had very strong family values, and parenting by both parents has been one of them. Today, those values have actually diminished and absentee fathers are hurting children and failing society. The deviant behaviour exhibited by some children is the result of absentee fathers. This is not an attempt to bash fathers, but a simple acknowledgement that while mothers are doing their utmost to make their children happy, fathers are also needed to help ease their pain and suffering.
More often than not, fathers have traditionally been the breadwinners and the disciplinarians of the home. As children, most adults today can probably remember their mothers’ warning: “Wait until your father comes home.” When fathers fail to parent, the impact is far-reaching – studies have shown that children with fathers in the home have fewer behavioural problems, achieve better academic results, and are economically better off.
Children with absent fathers generally have poor self-esteem, feel abandoned, exhibit greater truancy at school and perform poorly academically. Fatherlessness is also largely responsible for delinquency, drug and alcohol abuse, criminal activity, promiscuity and teen pregnancy.
It is time for fathers to ‘man up’ to their duties. It is not enough for absentee fathers to provide financial support. They should accept responsibility for raising their children. Fathers need to be hands-on; find time to play with their children, help them with homework, and get involved in all the other activities usually left to mothers. That goes for men living in the same household as well as those outside the home.
Admittedly, some men are not at fault for not spending time with their children as some mothers have regrettably prevented them. In such cases, those mothers should set aside their personal issues and put their children’s’interest first. They have to realize that they are hurting their children, because the children will not have all the resources they need to enjoy and live happy lives.
There is also need for the wider society to appreciate and treat fathers fairly and with respect. Men have been persistently asking the courts to be fair on issues related to child support and custody. Judges must consider the circumstances. They must understand that for the sake of children, both parents are needed for their upbringing.
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