Life lessons from my father

May 28, 2017 News

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By Kiana Wilburg
Almost daily, my father goes on a nostalgic escapade. Some days, he revisits the same old

places and lessons. But I never complain. I listen intently. My life coach and first teacher can always manage to find a new nuance to the story that he did not present before.
At age 63, Robert Wilburg, remains my personal fountain of some of life’s greatest lessons. I try to make the best use of his experiences, especially as it relates to relationships, love, caring for others, character, self-respect, and the continuous acquisition of knowledge.
There are moments, too, when he would stress upon the importance of not wasting mankind’s two most precious resources: Time and Health. I particularly hear about this one when I keep him “in the know” about my outings to some of my favourite entertainment spots.
For my father, a retired educator, lessons from borrowed experiences are invaluable jewels that can save many individuals from much time-wasting in this life. And when he’s not sharing his anecdotes, he is quick to pass on sayings/maxims for me to ponder. Some of these include, “the fountain of love is good to drink from but not to fall into”; “If Houri seh Hassah got fever, don’t doubt he, ‘cause both ah dem does live ah river bottom” and “If breeze could blow away matah, siftah must tek notice.”
Our debates are sometimes never-ending when it comes to matters of the heart, friendship and mankind’s human nature. I often submit to his experience, the lessons of which never fail to leave me transfixed in deep moments of reflection and analysis.
I have chosen this week to share just a few examples of some of the life lessons he has passed on to me which have not only shaped my outlook of life, but even helped me to avoid much heartache and tragedy.

FOOLISH CONFESSION
Back in the days, my dad had a really good friend. They were so “tight” that he often referred to him as being like a brother. We shall refer to him as Bony Grumble.
Grumble and his wife Hermina lived in the USA. When my dad went to visit Grumble, Hermina asked my father to do a special favour. She asked him to keep this favour as a “secret.” She explained that Grumble could not stand her mother. As such, she asked my dad that on his return to Guyana, if he could deliver some money for her mother who was really in need of the assistance. It turned out however that as my dad was returning to Guyana, so was Grumble. They were on the same flight, with close seats.
Although my father promised to fulfill Hermina’s request, his conscience pricked him that he was keeping this act a “secret” from his dearest friend. After assessing the situation, my father decided to be guided by principle and reveal to his friend, as tactfully as he could, the favour he was asked to fulfill by his wife.
Grumble upon hearing the details, threw up his arms and said, “Awhh man Robbie, come on man! That’s nothing! Relax yourself yeah, we good.” But that was not the end of it. Grumble proceeded to call his wife the minute he landed in Guyana and gave her a “royal dressing” over the phone. An upset Hermina called my father and delivered her piece as well. In the end, friendship ties between Grumble and my father were severed. Moral of the story: Don’t spoil it with foolish confessions/some things are better left unsaid.

DIFFICULT PEOPLE
In almost every working environment, there are people who will, for some reason or the other, attempt to make your life a living hell. When I had my first taste of this, I remember going home discouraged, and even being close to shedding tears. I told my father that I wanted to leave this job. The pressure was too much.
But in keeping with his character, he had a story for this occasion.
He told me of his working days at a Bank at Water and Broad Streets in Manhattan called Manufacturers Hanover Trust. My father worked on the Fourteenth Floor in the Accounts Department. In that division, he worked alongside Fritzner Degraff, a Haitian guy.
Degraff was the office bully. And my father was not spared his disrespectful taunts. My father tried ignoring him, but it was just too overbearing. Frustrated, my father lodged several complaints with the Department Manager, Michael Dellajacono.
After offering my father a seat in his office, Dellajacono said, “Wilburg, I have something to tell you. Do you think I like everyone in my department, including my bosses and subordinates? Of course not! I come here to get a job done and go home to my family. I don’t come here to fall in love or form relationships with anyone. You need to learn that you don’t have to like someone in order to get along with them and get the job done …And even for the ones that are not like Degraff, not because they are smiling with you, it means they are fond of you.”

BAD COMPANY
When I was in High School, there were several groups or “cliques”. This subset of peers could be large or small, depending on the shared interests of the people. I was part of one. It started out well, but the actions of the group started to border on the “edgier” side of life; the girls had yearnings to do things that I dreaded to think I’d be a part of; and if caught, I’d hate to think what the punishment would have been from my father. Perplexed, I turned to my dad for advice.
I distinctly remember saying, “Dad, I have some friends. They want to engage in certain things, but I don’t want to. How do I quit their company all together?”
As you would have probably guessed already, my father had a story for this scenario too.
He said, “There was a little boy who was in bad company from which he wanted to get out. He went to a wise old man for some sage advice as to how he could get rid of the friends. The wise man told the little boy that he had no problem. All he needed to do was live good, follow good principles, and his friends instead would get rid of him. “
This piece of advice worked for me, even to this day.
While space does not permit me to get into the details of the many other interesting stories that would have been passed on to me by my father, I will leave below, a few more of his very salient sayings that we can all bear in mind as we take this journey through life:

1) Man must be driven by principle and not desire
2) A little bit of knowledge in the wrong hands can be a dangerous thing
3) Some friends come with an expiry date
4) Criticize in private and praise in public
5) Don’t lend anything you can’t afford to lose
6) Mere knowledge is not power. It is the “application” of knowledge that is power
7) Be open to criticism. You don’t know it all.
8) Sometimes, it is better to keep one’s mouth shut and be thought a fool than to open it and remove all doubt
9) (One of my father’s all-time favourites from Robert West)—”Nothing is easier than finding fault; no talent, no self -denial, no brains, no character are required to set up in the grumbling business”.

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