The ‘Two of Me’ battle (sinner and saint)

Apr 02, 2017 Countryman, Features / Columnists

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By Dennis Nichols
The human mind mystifies humans; and the erratic heart magnifies the mystery. Human expressions

of love, hatred, compassion, and selfishness will forever be debated on, written about, and pondered over because of how we live and why we act the way we do. So people like me/writers will forever seek to understand and share with readers our perceptions about human behaviour and the thinking behind it.
In a country like ours for example, floundering in crime, it’s an understatement to say that this is an almost futile exercise.
I consider myself, at the least, a nominal Christian with a little knowledge about the world’s major faiths, and of psychology – all of which attempt to come to terms with the duality of our human nature. Most of us need that knowledge to even begin to comprehend it. The sheer greed, malice, lust, and stupidity of criminal behaviour we are faced with daily forces you to either keep trying to do so, or give up on humanity. The latter should be out of the question.
Imagine this (maybe) fictional scenario. A grandfatherly, stern, white-haired judge listens intently with furrowed brow as the prosecution and defence for the accused in a riveting rape case make their pitch. The victim is an attractive teenaged girl who, according to the defence, has ‘a sexual aura’ about her and is known to dress and act in a ‘provocative, flirtatious, yet innocent manner’ a combination to which even the most moral of men is susceptible.
The wise judge will have none of it and cautions the attorney. As he does so he observes the girl looking at him coyly, with the hint of a smile playing around her lips. Something about her distracts him, and his heart thumps momentarily. Unsettled, he looks away.
Then in a flash something changes. That moralistic judge flinches inwardly, and in a blinding epiphany, sees in himself – a rapist; a contradiction to his outward mien of respectability. He feels the stirring in his loins, and in that moment he knows – that if he could have his way with that woman-child young enough to be his grand-daughter, if there was no realistic chance that he’d be found out, he would. The lawyer’s words blur. He hears little. He knows he is a good, upright man. How can this be?

Here’s another cameo. In the late nineteen-eighties I accompanied two of my fellow reporters at The Guyana Chronicle on their court beat. I listened as a popular magistrate asked a young woman to recount how she was raped. He asked her to be specific and prompted her when she faltered. It quickly became obvious to me and my friends that the man was both a bit drunk and being titillated by the account, much to the girl’s embarrassment. I wondered if he was aware that his libidinous slip was showing, and whether or not he could be an impartial arbiter.
The late David Wilkerson may have an answer that works in tandem with, yet goes beyond, this mostly psychological profile. The American evangelist and founding pastor of the Times Square Church in New York has written a small, very readable book titled ‘Two of Me: The Struggle with Sin’. Some may know of him from another book he co-authored in 1962 called ‘The Cross and the Switchblade’ a bestseller about his street ministry with N.Y city’s Mau-Mau gang and the conversion of its leader. But the one I’m speaking of with the invitingly introspective title is a book that everyone should read, and I mean literally every adult who can read.
It may help explain the judge’s thoughts and the magistrate’s ‘kicks’ referred to in my illustration earlier.
Chapter One begins, “I am a strange creature with two opposing minds in one body. Two distinct life forces in me keep trying to control my actions. He recalls during his ministry what a ‘Jesus person’ once said to him. “All I know is there was a terrifying struggle going on in my body for control. There was an evil presence always in my mind, trying to overthrow every good and decent thing I tried to do. “
The man continues, “This evil part of me kept dragging me down, making me do things I didn’t really want to do. It was such an overpowering presence; I obeyed every command, and ended up with feelings of guilt, loneliness and emptiness… At times a part of me felt angry with God for not taking sin out of my heart … The enemy of my soul seemed so strong and I felt so weak. The righteous nature in me wanted God to stomp out all the wickedness, pluck out my overpowering sinful desires, and set me free from my sin.”
Remember this was a Jesus person. Even the biblical apostle Paul admitted that he struggled mightily in the battle of mind and flesh. So what about us ordinary folk; how do we deal with this strange duality in our nature?
Few people appear to have an answer, but Wilkerson tries. He concisely explores among other issues, the problem of alcoholism, what he calls the ‘homosexual dilemma, and the pitiful confession of monks who have gone to extreme and painful lengths ‘trying to conquer their evil passions’.
The latter, he said, included one monk living 50 years in a subterranean cave trying to subject his body to the Spirit. Others buried themselves up to their necks in burning sand, slept on thorns and broken glass, hopped on one foot until the other became useless, and whipped their bare backs, moaned, wept, and sang sad songs of repentance as they travelled from country to country in long processions in an effort to beat out the evil. One saint, Simeon, stood for 37 years on a small platform atop a pillar to which he chained himself when he became too weak.
One major point he was making was that none of this was necessary to understand and deal with the dark side of human nature, only born-again faith and true reconciliation with God through the blood of Jesus. That’s a big debate right there, which I don’t have the requisite tools to engage in. Experts in psychology and psychiatry may do so. Wilkerson himself agonized over the dilemma and didn’t spare his own struggle. Ironically he was killed in a horrific head-on collision which some people feel may have been a suicide.
Two of the numerous manifestations of our dark side are wanton cruelty and paranoia. The continuing murders, the so-called vigilante killings and beatings, and general political nastiness, are possible signs of an imploding society. If you can’t find answers in law, punitive justice, governmental control and social rehabilitation, why not give David Wilkerson’s ‘Two of me’ a read. It may not be a panacea, but could be a revelation into the taboo subject of our own inner demons.

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