Parenting and the psychiatrist for those runaways

Dec 04, 2016 Features / Columnists, My Column

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A woman once said to me that there is no manual to teach parenting. Indeed just about everyone aspires to become a parent, if only to show the world that they can procreate. Many a young mother gets her showpiece. She dresses it up then takes it on the road for people to admire.
After a while the novelty wears off and the showpiece becomes a burden to some, because it can no longer be lifted and taken about. Of course, it takes some years for this to happen, but it does happen. To add to the confusion is the fact that the burden of raising a child is often left to one person—the mother. The father disappears as soon as he realizes that there are certain commitments.
Grandparents try to assist and many do a very good job because they have had the experience with their own. They may not be so harsh with the grandchild but then again, if the burden is left to the grandparent then the situation may be slightly different.
In recent times I have heard more than my fair share of missing children. All too often it is the mother who comes into the office with a photograph of the missing child and a request that the media house beseech the child to return home. This is generally preceded by the statement that the mother knows of no reason why the child should run away.
An investigation would reveal that the mother in her scramble to put food on the table often does not have the kind of time a mother should with her child. The result is that the child is exposed to outside influences, many of them not good at all, especially when the child is an adolescent.
One social worker was at her wit’s end when dealing with a 14-year-old girl. This girl, according to the police, was picked up for wandering. By right this child should have been in school, failing which the parent should be prosecuted, but that doesn’t happen in Guyana. We do our best to protect the parent.
When we do talk to the parent who is invariably the mother, we hear that the child began demonstrating “airs” and when spoken to, opted to show that she is old enough to take care of her business. And the mother, who by now is confronted with the fact that her child ‘is a big girl’— and some of them do decide to challenge the parent, physically – is at a loss to deal with the situation.
In my simple view, it boils down to a mental issue. We do not realize the extent of mental illness in the society so we assume that everyone is normal, even the man who gets up early in the day and abuses his family. Some of us blame stress, but even that is a form of mental illness.
Growing up can be stressful. Add peer pressure that runs counter to the values instilled in the home, and we can readily see the offshoot. It is here that parents can bring all their skills to the fore. I befriended my children to the point that once there was an activity I took every man jack. I got them to interact with my friends and at the end of the event we caused a talking point back at home.
There was another aspect to family life. We ate together and we tried as much as possible to avoid confrontations before the children. We never challenged the authority of each other. I might have been wrong on many occasions, but my wife never confronted me before the children. In the end, I never had to deal with runaways. To this day, I share an excellent relationship with my children.
Yet, many parents do not have the skill and it is here that the state should play a major role, but there is not enough money, nor are there enough skilled people to deal with these children. Corporal punishment is fast becoming a thing of the past, because the developed world says that parents should not flog children.
That may be a good thing, except that even in the developed world the police exact a beating on the recalcitrant person or on those they deem to have flouted the authorities. It is no different in Guyana. People catch a bandit and they beat him to within an inch of his life. Beating is the panacea for criminal activity.
But that does not happen inside the few places we have developed to look at the child who now needs protection. Yet inside those places there are children who can influence others. At the same time, the councilors are inadequate, so many of us create people who now become lost to society.
The University of Guyana offers a programme of social work and there are many pursuing these courses. They are taught a modicum of psychology and very little community development, so they are often unable to appreciate the background from which the errant child comes.
It does not help to know that there are adult males waiting to prey on the runaway girl and to add to the situation, there are those who know that there is money to be had in the ‘bush’ for the young girl who could satisfy hungry porkknockers.
It is for these reasons that Guyana is now pressing ahead with prosecutions for trafficking in persons, but it is not pressing ahead with the development of people to treat mental illness. Perhaps the very society does not have enough people interested enough to deal with mentally ill people.

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