A Salutation to Fathers who . . .

Jun 19, 2016 Countryman, Interesting Creatures in Guyana

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By Dennis Nichols
Today is Father’s Day – a veritable afterthought to Mother’s Day and its twenty-four hours of honour and homage; eulogies and encomiums. Mom is overwhelmed with roses, ribboned gifts, and extravagant displays of love. Dads do their part for

beautiful and nurturing wives and mothers. Deep down though, stirrings of jealousy occasionally tug at the heartstrings because they feel that such expressions of affection will be muted when their day rolls around.
To love and be loved is arguably the greatest emotional need humans have. A family is supposed to cater to this need. Within the family unit it has traditionally been more the mother’s ‘role’ to express such emotional commitment. And just as traditionally, the father is boxed in and settled in his part as a stern presence and discipline-enforcer-in-chief. Poor dad! He couldn’t for a second appear weak, vulnerable, or teary-eyed. But tradition is evolving, and dads are beginning to exhale.
My own father found it difficult to do so, or maybe he just couldn’t find the time to be extrovertly affectionate. Wholly during Guyana’s colonial era, he worked as a school teacher and headmaster for forty years, without a break in service, while enduring almost daily headaches and related sinus problems. When he did exhale, it was to a sudden, massive, but thankfully unprolonged heart attack.
This is a tribute to him, and to other fathers who …
Stay the course! (a) Although traditional marriage and family appear to be on the decline, aggravated by the absence of fathers and father figures, there are surprisingly still many men who wouldn’t dream of abandoning their children and/or spouse regardless of prevailing circumstances. These are men who place a premium on values like commitment and stability which are best instilled within the framework of a family unit or within a parent-child relationship, even outside of marriage
Stay the course! (b) Like my dad, there are many fathers who realize that breadwinning is a noble and practical undertaking. And there is something definitely romantic about fulfilling an obligation to your family, especially with a domestic wife and young children to provide for. A father who measures commitment to work in terms of a corresponding commitment to family expresses a kind of love that is becoming increasingly rare and not easily recognized or appreciated; sometimes only after death.
Discipline their children! Discipline, particularly in a country like Guyana is too often perceived as ‘licks’ with a tamarind switch, belt, or fist. But its spectrum is obviously much broader, and includes setting moral and spiritual examples, chiding, warning, (at times threatening, when it is warranted) and setting realistic boundaries for youngsters to explore within. When done thoughtfully, it is a kind of love that readily complements the normally more fervent and excitable maternal sentiments.
Instill self-confidence in their children! Modesty and humility are pleasing qualities, but they are too often accompanied by doubt, fear, and unassertiveness. As a teacher, I observed marked differences between young children in the United States and the Bahamas on one hand, and Guyana on the other, in the way they related and interacted among themselves and with adults. Too many Guyanese children grow up with low self-esteem, fueled by fear of expressing themselves with positivism and self-assurance. Fathers who themselves display these qualities are great role models for their children.
Aren’t afraid to display public affection/compassion! At the 1992 Olympic Games in Barcelona, British 400-metre runner Derek Redmond, favoured for the Gold, pulled a hamstring in the semi-finals and fell to his knee. But he got up and struggled on, hopping and grimacing in pain. A middle-aged man suddenly ran on to the track. Brushing aside officials who tried to stop him, he held the athlete, now crying in anguish, and together they hobbled to the finish line just as the overwhelmed runner collapsed onto his shoulders. That father-and-son drama has become one of the most iconic moments in Olympics history. And there are thousands of Jim Redmonds around the world, some no doubt right here in Guyana.
Make time to play with their children! Too many dads are embarrassed to unleash the child within each of us, preferring to hide behind a façade of toughness or belligerence. But with growing awareness of the importance of quality time and play-bonding, more and more fathers are rediscovering the joys of childish games, horseplay and pranking. An online guide to mental, emotional and social health notes that playing can be an important source of relaxation and stimulation, and additionally, a sure way to fuel imagination, creativity, and problem-solving abilities – a health package that all children can benefit from.
Teach their children the value of honest labour! This is a big one. In a country like ours, children may be growing up with a warped notion of work ethic – the importance of work and its inherent ability to strengthen character. They find their innocence swiftly evaporating in an atmosphere of unprofessional compromise, corruption, and inefficiency. Time-wasting, clock-watching, apathy, indifference, vulgarity, and rank disrespect for the public by public servants are seen as almost acceptable. So big up to the honest, hard-working men out there whose integrity is irrefutable. You are the models and heroes your children need, and deserve.
Plan to leave their children a worthy legacy! Yes, our children’s future especially after we are gone, is something many fathers ignore or pay scant attention to. (And not only deadbeat dads) Granted that due to unfortunate circumstances, some fathers have little of material value to leave to their offspring. Sure, money and property are great inheritances, but intangibles like love, compassion, trust-worthiness, integrity, tenacity, optimism, and self-confidence have no price list attached to them.
This tribute list is certainly not an exhaustive one. And obviously just as there are delinquent fathers who need to soberly consider and reconsider their paternal roles, there are many Guyanese dads to whom laudation is due, and overdue. These fathers understand and appreciate the virtues, the responsibilities, and both the extraordinary angst and profound joy that come with being a good father.
And Father’s Day needn’t be just a day for praising and pampering Dad. Gifts, special dinners, text messages and Facebook/social media shout-outs are fine. Let him have his day! Let him have his cake and eat it too! Impossible? Well just imagine it’s not. But what about dads taking the opportunity to sit their children down and tell them in the most direct manner, what being a father is really, truly all about?
Dad, today could be the first day of the rest of your life as a father. Help make it a day as unforgettable for your children as it is for you. Make it a day to review past experiences and plot future direction. Make it a day of renewal and avowal. In short, make it count. Happy Father’s Day!

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