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For Zenita Nicholson- Our system failed

Oct 28, 2015 Letters

Dear Editor,  
Every day we walk out streets, many smiling faces we meet…but beneath those smiles there is a lot of pain. Stress and ultimately depression…that dark hole that many slip into and start free falling. Some people wear their depression well… I thinking that was the case of Advocate Zenita Nicholson who ultimately ended her life by ingesting about ten carbon tablets on Monday.
What I liked about her was her determination to advocate for others while she had her own struggles. I remember her appearing on one of my television shows to advocate for the LGBT community as an official of SASOD. An out spoken woman with much compassion she cut her hair as part of her advocacy. I remember that I too as a talk show host asked her if she was sending a message, to which she smiled infectiously and proudly declared “I am not my hair and people should not be judged based on their outward appearance. In fact I’m a mother but my sexuality does not matter and neither should it be any other person’s business but my own.”
It was part of an action call for human rights for all persons to be respected on international day against homophobia and xenophobia. That day she had other engagements but squeezed my show into address the subject in the local context. At that time she ultimately part of a live show and sat next to a recently crowned transgender who was wearing the title of Miss Guyana Gay glory. I wondering if I over looked any signs during our off camera conversations. We spoke about her family glowingly but when it came to speaking about the man in her life she seemed reserved in her comments.  Looking back now I see her eyes and they spoke volumes then but out of respect for her I opted to fight my usually prying personality and let the matter rest.
Ultimately she told me later that “she was a straight woman who believes in equality.”
To me while we were not the best of friends, she was a hurting woman who smiled a lot while helping others. Fast forward… She ultimately got an award for her advocacy from the US officials etc. Then, we met up when she was posing as a model at Courts Guyana in the center of a table filled with food and by golly was she happy with that smile which drew you in. Our next engagement was on NCN as part of the live afternoon show and we rubbed each other the wrong way…
I guess it’s because I asked another transgender a question unaware of the politically correct language that I should have subscribed to… I was reproached after the show for my line of questioning in  full view of her transgender friend. She said “Mondale you have to watch your language when addressing human rights issues,” she said in defense of the transgender. Ultimately we agreed to disagree and went our separate ways. As expected she smiled as we parted ways.  Low and behold! I was hit like a wrecking ball when news came that she had died and more so the circumstances under which her demise came to be. Why? How could this be? Then in retrospect of my own experiences I realized that as humans, we all wear our smiles that hide our pains. Zenita who is normally a tower of strength went in search of help and the legal system failed her. The fact that someone could muster courage to find a police station to make a report of home abuse and fears is strength enough for one’s statement to be taken when she needed help most. Instead, based on reports, she was sent to another police station at her weakest moment with no apparent recourse, feeling helpless and hopeless she drank carbon tablets. Now her family is without a mother, sister, daughter and cousin while the world is short by one, of a voice for the voiceless. Sleep on Zenita, sleep on and rise in glory.
Mondale Smith

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