An alarming number of men endure both physical and psychological abuse

Oct 11, 2015 Letters

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Dear Editor,
Domestic violence continues to be one of the ills plaguing Guyana today, carrying in its wake a rising death toll. However, even as we continue to inspect and dissect the inherent evils of this social phenomenon, we must face the stark realization that the topic is not just about women and children. Sadly, but not surprisingly, there is a growing and alarming number of males who endure both physical and psychological abuse at the hands of their female partner or spouse, and they suffer in silence.
For example, the recent domestic violence tragedy of prominent footballer  Mark Anthony Moses and Roshini Mohan ( Kaieteur News, October 8, 2015)., may have been somewhat prevented. He was a previous victim of domestic abuse, having been stabbed in the neck by her, an injury that necessitated a two week hospital stay.   He suffered in silence, deciding to keep the Police or the law external to his demise.
The principal reason underpinning why men, even young men, are so hesitant and reluctant to report domestic abuse concerns social-cultural stereotypes. Men often conceal their suffering due to the fear of being judged negatively by others, and having their masculinity questioned. The story is told of a young Guyanese man going to an outpost to report physical and verbal abuse at the hands of his partner. At the desk, he started to recount the incident and to show the clinical evidence of the abuse he had suffered, when the reporting police officer looked over his shoulder and  beckoned to his comrade saying in a jocular manner,”’ Come listen to this”.
Yes, for some men, as in the case of Anthony Mark, his failure to report the previous incident or his evasive behaviour may be due to his fear of being the object of ridicule by friends, family members, peers, co-workers, and also the fear of people claiming that Roshini was the real victim, and must have had a reason for being unfaithful.  For any man to admit or confess that he is the victim of female perpetrated domestic abuse calls for the immediate abandonment of the façade of machismo that society demands from men, and to concede submission to a female. Sorry, but very few men are willing to make or take this admission.
So often, if not in every case, women are highlighted as the victims, which clearly gives one sex the edge over the other. The common and accepted rule of thinking is that the law is on the woman’s side no matter what, and lying in wait is a myriad of women that have been battered that will rally to her aid. Do not for one moment labour under the apprehension that I am diminishing the predicament of women who have suffered domestic violence. The time has come for us to realize that both men and women are human beings, and surely one’s safety in the home should never be esteemed over another.
From time immemorial, we have lived in a society that see men as the epitome of strength, and are relegated to less than a man if they take a beating from a woman.  I was once a witness to an occasion where in the heat of an argument, the woman involved threw a few punches in the face at the man involved. It was apparent that she did not see him as a victim because he was a man.  She is also bolstered by the fact that if he dare defend himself or even fight back, the police would arrest him regardless of the fact that she dished out the first punch. She knows and knows well that in many cities the law is on her side no matter what.
Let me say with no rancor or malice aforethought and no tongue in cheek. Yes, there are many women out there loudly proclaiming that he should not hit her back, and that a man should never ever hit a woman.  Believe me as a bona fide Guyanese I fully grasp and understand this perception, yet in the face of all that permit me  to proffer an alternative idea—No one deserves to be abused or hit.   I have several brothers and sons and I do respect why they should never hit a woman. However, confessedly I would be concerned about their position should a woman deign to put her hands on them.
Men are never allowed any excuse for beating a woman.  It does not matter if he is under stress, his health is not up to par, in fact, it does not even matter if she provoked him verbally and or physically—get it straight in your face – Men ought not to hit.  Pointe Finale. Every woman ain’t a weakling or a frail individual.  There are women who can deliver a punch or a jab comparable to Sonny Liston in his heyday, and there are men who are not as elusive as Cassius Clay in dodging the impact.
There are also many women who know what words would bring them to their breaking point cause them to resort to abuse and violence.  They feel justified in whatever cause would get their goat and provoke them. Sadly, men are not allowed this latitude.  Let us remember that our brothers are human beings just like us, they have feelings and can be provoked to behave out of character.
Pray tell me is it an appropriate or correct way of thinking that if a man spat in my face I would have some difficulty in restraining myself against striking out at him, but feel that if I spat in his face, he should automatically be the pillar of restraint and he had better not put God out of his thoughts and dream of striking me.  Is this not illogical, hypocrisy of sorts and a double standard? No one should be faced with enduring psychological or physical abuse. Abuse and violence leave scars, some deep and long lasting, and inflicts damage on man and woman alike.
In fact a double standard that should be urgently addressed by the appropriate authorities and departments in Guyana. There should also be a reaching out to the other face in domestic abuse- the males.  I am calling on the nation and by extension the diaspora at large to convoke our humanity for all- not just the women.
Let us reach out not only to our sisters, but also our brothers that are hurting because of domestic violence and abuse. Remember that domestic violence is not only about women—plainly put, it is about human beings. Let us now come forward with renewed sensitivity viewing the other face of domestic violence and abuse through a clearer and understanding lens.
Yvonne Sam

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