ARE YOU PREPARED TO DIE, DO YOU HAVE A LIVING WILL?

Sep 20, 2015 Features / Columnists, From the Diaspora

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By Ralph Seeram

As the patient lay there comatose, it was obvious she was only being kept alive by the assorted tubes and other equipment attached to her. It was an agony no one would want to experience; it was the kind of suffering the patient herself did not want.
It was clear to all the brothers and sisters, that the oxygen that was being forced down her lungs to feed the heart was the only reason she was alive.
Uppermost in everyone’s mind was when and how can we “pull the plug” to eliminate the suffering my mother was experiencing. Who will make the decision?
First it’s not a decision that the family can make immediately. The various doctors, specialists to be exact, had to verify that all the vital organs are failing or have failed, that there is no hope of recovery.
I did not need a doctor to tell me that. One look at my mom and I knew that she was not coming out of that hospital alive. After 91 years, her spirit was ready to leave her body.
Still it was not the relatives’ decision yet; those doctors had to be sure.
One of the things I have learnt from this experience is that a doctor will never come out and tell you for sure the patient is going to die. They always leave that small percentage of hope that the patient can recover. One may argue this is so because they are not God, and cannot predict the time of death.
One doctor assured us that he had seen patients come off life support, and recover in hospice care, thereby giving you a glimmer of hope.
It was clear to us, however, that this will not be the case. My mom was not walking out of that hospital, and we are not going to prolong her life in hospice. One senior nurse explained to us that she had seen cases where selfish families prolonged the life of relative just for the sake of coming to see them, oblivious to the suffering the patient is going through.
Which brings me to another issue, and this is more relevant here in North America than Guyana.
So doctors after deciding that nothing can be done, medically, to “bring the patient back, sometimes recommend the patient go to a hospice, a facility where you are supposed to go “die with dignity” as one sales person from a hospice told us.
In reality it was to prolong the suffering of your loved one to make more money from a dying patient. There are some exceptions in terminally ill cancer patients, but in the main it’s all about making extra cash on a dying patient.
The family was in the waiting area, still trying to accept the inevitable. Some were still in denial, still cannot accept the reality of the situation.
Up comes this woman. Or I should say a saleswoman, brochure in hand, in the room. She seated herself in the middle of the room, telling us how beautiful her facility is, its location and how the patient will die with dignity etc, etc.
Then she threw in the primary doctor’s name, as if the doctor recommended her. On close questioning by me, it was nothing of the sort; the doctor never spoke to her. We were about to chase her out the room for her dishonesty. It would appear that employees at the hospital would tip them off if a patient is dying; sort of “touts” for these facilities.
Needless to say she was asked politely to leave the room. Later a talk with the administrator revealed that they never gave her permission to come and speak to us.
So as we are mulling the decision of ending the life support, when the hospital asked if my mom had a Living Will, which basically is, you determine how you want your medical care to be if you lapsed into unconsciousness or become brain dead etc.
This is where I would like your attention, since a Living Will is a very important document. Some years ago the fight over whether family can “pull the plug” on a loved one, reached the Supreme Court of the United States. The woman was from Florida, and had lapsed into a “vegetative” state,
The husband and her relatives battled all the way to the highest court of the United States. A simple piece of document could have saved that. We should all have not only a will, but a living will also, so there can be no family fights over your dying body.
A Will only talks about distributing your assets and it important to have one. There are many cases where even before the body goes into the ground, the family starts fighting for the dead person’s belongings.
One lawyer told me that you will be surprised to know that people fight over down to the plates and spoons. Make a will to avoid that, make a Living Will so no one but you determine on what terms you die.
In the midst of life there is death, we all know that, we know tomorrow is not promised, but somehow, we don’t accept that it applies to us, it is the other person. We humans are always in denial of death. Most if all of us are not prepared for death.
Everyone should be prepared for death, like my mother. You won’t believe this but we had nothing to do with her funeral, no planning etc.
My Mom had a living will and when the hospital saw it, they knew what they had to do. The nurse told us that we should not feel guilty about removing life support systems, it was not our decision. My mom made the decision, and it’s what SHE wanted.
However her planning did not end there, she pre-paid for her funeral, had paid for her burial plot, had the stone already placed on the spot, leaving only the date of death to be etched onto the head stone.
Don’t think it ended there. She wrote out her funeral service down to hymns and bible reading, and to top it all catered for the repast.
Being a family of seven siblings, one can expect diverse opinions, on life support to burials to division or property. My mom in her great wisdom eliminated any decisions we would have bickered over.
As in life, in death she also decided to go on her own terms. No one was going to make a decision for her, even in death.
Ralph Seeram can be reached at email: [email protected] and on Facebook

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