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A magistrate mek de devil poop in court

May 26, 2015 Dem Boys Seh, Features / Columnists, News

Dem boys wake up yesterday and heard de news how Soulja Bai decide to remove 60 prisoners—petty thieves.
At first when dem boys hear it dem was li’l baffled. Dem never hear anything like that. It was during de course of de day dem hear that Soulja Bai was really mekking space fuh de real, real thief.
De fuss one appear in court yesterday. Dem see when he fly out he house like labba from a hole. De man was travelling suh fast that people nah recognise he. De only way people know was he was de smell of sulphur he lef behind.
De Chat-3 did tell de man that he bigger than any court in de land, that he ain’t got to tun up. And he believe that and stay away. Is when de magistrate give he 30 minutes to arrive in she court room or else she gun issue an arrest warrant fuh de man that he didn’t even bathe.
He pull on a Burnham shut-jac and drive heself to court. When he reach he come out wid a fake smile like everything alright, this time he belly rumbling and he touching, touching de back plug wha he get from farrin. He was walking tight up, tight up.
Dem boys and de whole of Guyana know that this day woulda come but dem didn’t expect it so soon. When he go in de court he believe that he coulda stand up wheh he like. In fact, he was going to sit down next to de Chat-3. But de orderly ask he if he is a lawyer and if he ain’t see a li’l gate to de prisoner dock open fuh he walk in?
He still ain’t move till de man had to holla pun he, “Get inside.” De fake smile disappear from he face instantly and de shut-jac start paste pun him wid sweat even though de a/c was kicking in de courtroom.
As de magistrate reading de charge de whole court hear some fine poop escaping. Then de magistrate ask he if he alright. He couldn’t talk, he poop again.
De Chat-3 watch he and sigh and seh, “Bai you is not a Chat-3; you is a shit-3.”
De smell confuse de Chat-3 brain suh that when he beg fuh bail he give wrang age, wrang qualification and even wrang name fuh de Shit-3.
After de begging she put he pun self bail but warn him to keep away from airport. “Don’t even peep at you passport because you ain’t gun only poop when you come back.”
She advise him to go over to de clerk and sign he bail paper.  When dem boys watch he face, walking over to sign he look like a li’l pussycat wha get ketch wid he whole face in de milk pot.
Talk half and wait fuh de other 59 to appear before de courts.

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