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Domestic violence seems unending

May 04, 2015 Editorial

It would seem that the number of women killed as a result of domestic conflicts is increasing at a rapid rate. This is a trend that has been worrying the authorities for some time but precious little was done. Indeed, pressure on the police has pushed them to respond to every report of domestic violence.
There was once a time when the police would sit back and say such disputes are private matters and that the victim should pursue the matter in court.
And a few did but the majority had no relationship with the court except through the police. It was this recognition that caused the pressure on the police to help such victims.
Today, the courts are less sympathetic to the abuser. Jail time is now mandatory as are restraining orders which do precious little to help the victim unless the victim has time to call the police. We are aware that the female victim is often reluctant to call the police because she feels that to cause the arrest of her abuser is to threaten her income or line of support.
Many of them have gone to court only to beg the magistrate to let the abuser off with a warning. This has got to change. Recently, the call was for the court to ignore the plea for a warning.
Sadly, prosecution is difficult without the testimony of the victim. But the courts are doing their best to put the abusers behind bars. They tend to ignore the pleas of the victim and send the abuser to jail, even if it is for a short time.
Already for this year, many women are dead. Some others have been injured. And there seems to be no ease in sight.
The reason for this escalation of domestic violence was once believed to be copycat. Men would hear of others abusing their spouses with seeming impunity and they would attempt the same.
It is not that domestic abuse is something new; it has been with us for as long as many of us have been alive. Men beat their wives for whatever reason and the woman did not have the support.
She could not return to her parents who simply said to her that she should deal with whatever came her way. Some ran away but most stayed. Many were killed.
This time around, death is almost a certainty of domestic abuse. Men simply feel that they could kill their spouses and get away with it. In fact, most of them believe that killing is the solution to their problems.
And strange as this may seem, women are responsible for this. Mothers set store by their sons and more often than not, would show resentment to their daughters-in-law.
There are various organisations that believe that there is a special measure that could reverse the tide. These organisations believe that men should be the leaders in the reversal of domestic abuse since they are for the greater part, the abusers. But the focus should be on the mothers. They are the people who actually fashion their sons.
Sociologists may credit this hike in domestic abuse to the fact that mothers are no longer as active in their sons’ lives, largely because they are single parents who must spend time putting food on the table.
If only there could be a reversal of this trend then mothers must be the prime movers. They should instill in their sons the need to respect women, to see every woman as being their surrogate mother.
But there is more. More often than not, an abused woman turns to her mother-in-law for some comfort. She would report any abuse to that woman who must act decisively and this is where the relationship between the man and his mother comes to the fore.

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