If you can drive in Guyana, you can drive anywhere

Nov 26, 2014 Features / Columnists, Peeping Tom

It is said that if you can drive in Guyana, then you can drive anywhere in the world. The drivers of Guyana are amongst the most highly skilled in the world, and this may have to do with the fact that most of them learnt to drive in other persons’ vehicles.
When you are driving another person’s vehicle you tend to take more chances than usual because it is not yours and therefore if you hit something, somebody else will have to foot the bill.
And when one driver tells another something, you can bet there will be a response. In fact, two drivers can hold up traffic for minutes while they swear at each other.
One day a driver was going down a road and approached a car that was coming in the other direction. Although there was room for the first car to pass, he forced the oncoming driver to slow down. Winding down his window, he shouted at the other driver. “Pig!”
The other driver immediately got upset, continued on, and while looking in the rear view mirror, swore at the first driver. Then his car hit a pig which was in the middle of the road.
In Guyana there is a law against using cellular phones while driving, but every day you can see hundreds of drivers, sometimes even police officers, chatting away on their phones while driving.
People do all kinds of things behind the wheel. One day a traffic cop pulled alongside a speeding car. Glancing into the car, he was astounded to see the young lady who was driving busy knitting, yes knitting. Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, he wound down his window, turned on the loudspeaker and yelled, “PULL OVER!”
“NO,” the young lady yelled back, “IT’S A SCARF!”
In Guyana there is a law against tints. When the law was first enforced, vehicle owners were forced to pay thousands of dollars to remove the tints from their vehicles, and in some instances had to change their windows because they were factory-tinted, meaning that the tints were within the glass and therefore could not be removed.
Today when you drive around Guyana, there are hundreds of vehicles with tints. And some officials are not setting an example; their vehicles are the more heavily-tinted. One fellow is so brazen and his vehicle so heavily tinted, that there is a sign on his backwind screen boasting that you cannot see him, and you really cannot, how darkly tinted is the vehicle.
There is also a law against driving under the influence (DUI) and there are breathalyzers to help the police in making a case against those driving under the influence.
Many police, however, prefer not to haul those found DUI before the courts. In fact, the preoccupation with DUI is as such that some police patrols actually go and park outside some of the more popularly frequented watering holes, and when the patrons get out and drive off in the cars they are pulled over and told that they have to go to the station to do a breathalyzer test. Most drivers are able to convince the patrols that prey outside these watering holes not to go to the station.
One night, the police pull over a driver who is weaving all over the road. They order him out of the car and tell him that he has to go to the station to do a breathalyzer test. In his intoxicated state he agrees. But just then the police receive a report about a robbery nearby. They tell the man to remain where he is, they will be right back, and they proceed to run down the road to where the robbery is taking place.
The man waits and waits and after a while gets impatient and decides to drive home. When he arrives home, he tells his wife that he is going to bed, and to tell anyone that comes knocking that he is ill and has been in bed all day.
A few minutes later, the police knock on the door. They ask if Mr X lives there and his wife says yes. They ask to see him and his wife says that he is in bed ill and has been there all day. However, the police have his driver’s licence. They ask to see his car, so she takes them to the garage and opens the door where they find the police car, lights still flashing

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