14 years of living hell!

Apr 13, 2014 News

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– A fleeing, tormented mother of two relates her harrowing experiences

“Me nah care if he come look fuh me and kill me, but me nah frighten no more, and me nah able hide.”

By Rehana Ahamad

“Me meet am one time when I was 14, and awe get marry.” That was the beginning of a 14-year-long tale of domestic abuse.
The now 28-year-old East Bank Essequibo resident has declared that she has been able to escape from her abusive husband (name provided), and will do everything she can to stay away from him, even though he has threatened to take her life.
“Me nah care if he come look fuh me and kill me, but me nah frighten no more, and me nah able hide!” the mother of two said emphatically.
In an interview with Kaieteur News, she recalls being beaten countless times about the head and body, for absolutely no reason.
The woman said that her fright, and the love that she has for her children is what has made her stay through the nights of rape and days of beatings and emotional torment.

With tears streaming down her face, she shared some of her most horrific experiences.
“Me gah go back to the starting and how everything happen and suh,” the woman said.
She recalled being a 13-year-old who was completely full of life and ready to pursue an exciting career in Journalism. But her life didn’t exactly go according to plan.
She related that was brought up in a “not so well off” home, and because of some inevitable financial constraints, she “surrendered” herself to aid her family.
Her dreams of rising above the poverty line to build for herself, a thriving career and a beautiful home, were all shattered when she was approached about getting married to a man 10 years older.
According to the distraught woman, her father had asked her to get married to the man (name provided), as it would be the best thing for her to do, considering her family’s financial situation.
Having understood her parents’ plight, and knowing how hard they would have worked, the woman said she got married a few weeks before her 14th birthday.
“Dem bin always want awe do good and get a good life, but things were too hard fuh we, and even though dem prappa wuk hard, things nah work out, and me bin really feel sorry fuh dem, suh me do wah me had to do.”
Although from a distance marriage had seemed like a hellhole, the woman told Kaieteur News that moving into her husband’s home was actually refreshing. Everything was going well, just as she was hoping and praying that it would go. Her family’s burdens were decreased, and the teenager with raging hormones began to experience what she thought was love. But after a month of believing in fairytale endings, her life became exactly as she dreaded it would be, a living hell.
“He really turn out to be de Devil. He used to drink, and smoke cigarette and all kind of things and suh,” the woman recounted.
She said that given the fact that her husband was the only man she had ever been with, she uncontrollably fell in love with him.
“Me even thought at one time that he bin really love meh, because even though he used to drink and smoke and knock me every now and again, he still used to be there. Me thought dat since me love he even though he does put me through all dem things, he mussy love me to,” she said, immediately adding, “But me bin wrong.”
She recalled that less than three months after marriage, she learnt that her husband had been having multiple affairs, even with strangers, in some cases.
The woman told this publication that while the affairs were what bothered her at first, she soon realized that her husband sleeping with other people was the least of her problems, and incomparable to being repeatedly battered in the face more than twice every week.
“Me wouldn’t even wish dah pan me wuss enemy!” she emphasized.
She related that even though her body would sometime become almost numb from the beatings, she would usually disregard her feelings to tend to the needs of her husband.
“Dat is how things bin deh back in dah time, and people used to always say that a husband and wife problem gah stay behind closed doors.”
The woman said that sometimes when the aches and pains became unbearable, she would refuse to have sex with the man, but this never went down well, as her usually intoxicated partner would resort to raping her.
“But me couldn’t say anything, was me husband, and wey me bin live, people would ah laugh,” the woman reflected, fighting to withhold tears.
Amid all her tragedies, she became pregnant with her first child, before turning 18. The somewhat excited teenager thought that this would please her “beloved” husband and at least spare her from being beaten. But the whipping and punches didn’t stop.
The woman recalled one time when her husband kicked her off of the bed and started beating her for no reason.
“Like me nah even know to dis day, why he used to do me suh. Me never do he anything bad. He used to beat me and say that I getting another child, but I can’t mek a pickney on me own… I didn’t know why he treat me so. I just couldn’t understand it.”
The woman began to weep uncontrollably, adding, “He treat me wuss than a dog. He kick me even though me belly bin big. Me get kick like a dog fuh years.”
Reflecting on her most recent experience with her husband, the woman said that after gambling all of his week’s earnings, her drunken spouse returned home one Saturday night to find that she had not cooked his favourite – “chicken curry”, but had fried the only two eggs she had in the house, with “the li’l scraping” rice left in the bucket.”
The woman said that as she lay in her bed that quiet night, she listened closely as the man inspected what was for dinner and then started pelting pots and pans about the house, tramping up the stairs to get to where she was.
This happened a few weeks ago, and by then, she was the mother of two daughters. The children, both below the age of 10, were more often than not, privy to their father beating their mother “mercilessly.”
The beatings that night became overbearing and the woman said that she could no longer cry silently, and therefore began screaming desperately for help. “By God’s grace,” the woman said that a neighbour rushed to her rescue.
“Me run ova by she with dem pickney and she warn am nah fuh go in she yard. By the time she call the police, he run away, but me want dem ketch am. Me can’t live like dis no more,” the woman said.
She added, “He get away, and police nah find am. He always does threaten me that he guh kill me, and me bin always frighten, but now me nah care. He can come kill me pun de street and all now, but at least me ah stand up to am, me nah able wid de bullying no more.”
She told this newspaper that she lived not very far from Bibi Nazarena Houston, and used the woman’s life as an example. Houston is the woman who survived a vicious attack by her husband in August 2013. While she remains scarred for life, the woman lost her two children, ages five and two, after the cane-cutter went berserk and hacked them to death. The attacker was later found hanging from a tree.
Meanwhile, the woman said that while she does not believe her husband is capable of being cruel towards his children, “when he smoke and drink up is another story.”
She made clear that she no longer trusts her husband, and wishes that the police would find him.
“Couple weeks pass now, and me get a feeling he guh come after meh.”

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