Let’s start listening today

Mar 09, 2014 Editorial

We Guyanese generally expect children “to be seen and not heard”. Fathers especially, seldom spend time with children to listen to what they have to say. Now that an increasing number of mothers have joined the workforce, it should not be surprising that many children are withdrawn, sullen and subject to sudden bursts of anger. More frequently we are witnessing the anger acted out anti-socially. On the whole, listening to your children is important for their development and growth.
One of the easiest ways to empower children is to listen to them: listening boosts their self-esteem. If children feel important and share little things with their parents, they feel comfortable sharing their more significant things with them later in life.
Listening to each other in a family improves the quality of family life and everyone feels cherished. The best time for a family to listen to each other is during meals. While television has been a boon, in certain regards it has not only destroyed the art of reading but the art of conversation within families. We should turn off the television and talk. This is a time you can create memories that will become anchors of love to see your children through difficult times.
The more one listens to children, the more confident they become, because it demonstrates that adults respect them and value their opinions. This encourages them to express themselves and boosts their development. If children get enough attention at home, they are less likely to seek it by “acting out” elsewhere.
But children should not have to listen to the disagreements of their parents. Studies show that parents’ rows affect children, even if they are out of earshot. In one study, forty couples were asked either to discuss something enjoyable or a topic of disagreement, and then play with their children. A significant number of couples that had pleasant exchanges responded well to their children and listened to them, while those couples who had a disagreement responded negatively towards their children. If there are arguments between spouses, special efforts to listen and be positive towards the children must be made.
Listening to children teaches them to listen to others carefully. Interaction and communication among siblings can deeply affect their feelings of self-esteem. It helps them in developing social skills that will carry them through the rest of their lives. Listening among siblings teaches them how to comfort and sympathize with another person. All the social and interaction skills children learn with, and from their siblings, are used later in life.
The listening attitude of parents helps the children to express their feelings. The most difficult part of listening to your children is when they are expressing anger. But this is crucial, since the ability to deal positively with frustrations is one of the most important aspects in succeeding in life. Even caring parents find it difficult to respond positively. Comments like “Don’t make a fuss” or “There is nothing to cry about” or “Don’t be a baby” make children feel ignored or insignificant. A better course of action is not to deny the child’s feelings, but offer reassurance. Listen and make the child feel appreciated, loved and treated with respect.
Parents can become better listeners by listening intently and making eye contact. By facial expression and body language, they can also convey that they are open and available for their children. Even repeating what they have said can help. It will show that you are sympathetic and paying attention. It does not mean that parents need to be non-stop ‘listening machines’. There is a limit to a person’s ability to listen, but the key is to know how to set the limits without alienating your children.
Over the last decade, Guyanese children have been exposed to a series of tragedies. These horrible incidents are reminders of what precious resources children are. Let us cultivate and develop that resource by the simple act of listening to them. Let’s start listening today.

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Let’s start listening today

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