“Too much of biting – in sports!”

Apr 28, 2013 Sports

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Colin E. H. Croft

In full Guyanese creole, “Ole Sylvie”, the most aggressive person that I have ever known, with her golden canines flashing in that forever very coy smile, regularly said two things that we never forgot.
She strongly believed that the best way to defend anything is to always be on the attack!
In conflicts; mental, emotional, or, mostly physical; she suggested that “Yuh mus’ ahways hit back fuss”; and secondly, more pertinently; “Monkey does ahways kno’ wuh limb fuh clime pun!”
Such absolute earthly wisdom from a truly wonderful woman who never even finished school, but, as regards Liverpool and Uruguay footballer Luis Saurez’s incident, my mother was totally correct.
Saurez knew exactly what he was doing; more importantly, exactly whom he was doing it to!
In that Liverpool v Chelsea game, the ball was ten yards away when Saurez produced his “Dracula-like” bite on Chelsea defender Branislav Ivanovic’s arm! Check it!
That was a definite plan; Saurez hitting back first, being aware of three other things too. He knew that Ivanovic would not retaliate, and that Liverpool, with inane useless noises, would do nothing to him either, except giving lip service and an obligatory fine.
Notice that Liverpool is actually “shocked and disappointed” that he has been banned for ten games.
The guy outright assaulted Ivanovic, and they are shocked? He should be charged with causing grievous bodily harm and jailed! That was not just a bad tackle!
Suarez, like most “Class A” sports-persons world-wide, understands that he could get away with most things, regardless!
Whatever Manager Brendon Rodgers and Liverpool say, Saurez will be playing at Liverpool next year. Without Saurez, Liverpool would be lost!
The most well-known biting incident, in sports, is the so-called “Bite Fight,” the name given to 1997’s bout – official name “The Sound and The Fury” – featuring then world heavyweight champion “Real Deal” Evander Holyfield and “Iron” Mike Tyson.
It was their 2nd meeting. As in the first, Holyfield was beating Tyson to a pulp. Then, “Iron Mike” used his oral combination of enamel, titanium and steel, to take real bites out of both ears of “Real Deal.” Holyfield reacted with frenzied jumps. Tyson calmly spat an ear lobe to the floor!
Eventually, after serious derision and terrible indecision by referee Mills Lane, Tyson was disqualified. Tyson’s boxing license was revoked for life. It was reinstated after only one year of actual suspension. He was fined US$3 million, and ordered to serve community service, probably at a dentist!
Tyson also knew that the sport of boxing still needed him, even then, as a fast-fading ex-champion!
So, then, picture this, in your massive, all-encompassing, out-of-this-world imagination:
West Indies, any era’s cricket team that you could think of, is playing Liverpool, or Uruguay, at either cricket or soccer. The same thing happens; Saurez bites anyone that your imagination could conjure.
What would happen next?
That goes without even thinking! I shudder to think of what would result from that!
So, last week, Chris Henry Gayle, playing for Royal Challengers Bangalore, murdered Pune Warriors with that dynamic 175 n. o. in only 66 deliveries. What an innings!
But, do you think that Saurez would have dared to bite CHG, Marlon Samuels, Viv Richards, Charlie Griffith, even present, affable West Indies captain, Darren Sammy? Nah!
There are no two things that most people, especially those of African descent, hate more than being bitten, or spat on!
Yes, I know that the great Calypsonian, Aldwyn Roberts – “Lord Kitchener” – always reminded us, in many compositions, that; “When yuh have yuh doubt; Yuh mus’ always use yuh mout!”
Or, we could consider Ronnie McIntosh’s 2002 soca classic, which will always resonate too; “Tuh much ah bitin’ insects!” Or was that, depending on your overall mindset, “Tuh much ah bitin’ in sex!”?
Ha! Ha! It is the double entendre that confuses, making calypsos excellent musical experiences!
Seriously, though, even in EPL 2012/2013, had Saurez tried to “eat” Manchester United’s Rio Ferdinand or Patrice Evra, after the supposed incident they already had about ethnicity, either, or both, MUFC men would have been red-carded, after being pulled from the fracas.
Saurez, conversely, would probably have had nothing less than a body cast, many fewer teeth, and would only have seen, through slits in very swollen eyes, if that was possible at all, red ambulance lights!
Can you imagine Saurez biting Chelsea’s ex, Didier Drogba, or present Chelsea’s Ashley Cole? Papa!
Saurez knew exactly which limb to climb out on!
MUFC’s manager, Sir Alex “Magician” Ferguson, would have gotten rid of Saurez; pronto! He did that to much better players than Saurez!
So, anyway, what about those unbelievably stupendous “Red Devils”! They are absolutely marvelous!
As a Man U supporter since my county cricket days at that other Old Trafford; Lancashire CCC, from 1976/7 onwards; I too am celebrating!
EPL Championship No. 20 was accomplished with considerable help from No. 20, Robin van Persie, who is already being compared to MUFC Legends Bobby Charlton, George Best, Eric Cantona and Renaldo.
My favorite is Cantona.
Overall MUFC were quite good this season too; without biting! Enjoy!

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