Eureka! The police discover commonsense

Jan 30, 2013 Features / Columnists, Freddie Kissoon

Saturday evening, while out, my wife called to remind me to buy bread. I was driving just outside Prime News on Church Street when I got the call. I made a left into Peter Rose Street and bought the stuff at a popular pastry shop. While traveling north on Peter Rose, I ran into a river of stupidity. I abruptly stopped the car in time to save myself from being soiled by police asininity.
I was face to face once more with perhaps the most foolish police ranks in the world. How can grown men and women so disgrace their country? How can men and women administer a country’s police force (now renamed police service based on the semantics of the goat man) and be so silly in what they do?
Peter Rose Street runs north to south. It lies inside the bowels of a quiet community. Situated in Queenstown, it consists mostly of houses owned by the wealthy urban elites (not urbane; in Guyana today the wealthier you are the less urbane you are).
It is a very quiet two-way road (since time immemorial) until some business places moved in, for example a security firm and a car sales company. Suddenly as Peter Rose Street is about to run into Lamaha Street it becomes a one-way street at Anira Street. The police force has made one block of Peter Rose Street into a one-way street.
But of course there must be a reason. But why! Who says the Guyana Police Force (oops, I mean Police Service: have they been serving us since the name change?) functions with reason?
A carriageway is made into a one directional street for two basic reasons only. One is narrowness. If it is an intestinal road, vehicles going in opposite directions may touch each other because there isn’t enough space to pass.
Second, to relieve traffic congestion. I can think of no other reason. Certainly it cannot be security. The Office of the President stands out prominently on Vlissengen Road which is a two-way. The PPP’s nonsensical intelligence (there goes the goat man again) agency is on Vlissengen Road which is a two-way street. The police head office is on Camp Road which is also a two-way street. The army head office is on a two-way street.
So why is Peter Rose Street one way between Anira Street and Lamaha Street? I stopped the car and looked at the place. It was late (I was out too late on Saturday night last which was a security lapse) so I quickly hurried back into my vehicle and drove away. The street was deserted.
Why is this place a one-way lane? Monday afternoon I went to traffic head office for some explanation about the repetition of this idiocy all over Georgetown.
Traffic chief, Brian Joseph, said that when he assumed office, he met the madness (my word; Mr. Joseph is a polite man who uses polite language) and the process is being changed.
Well commonsense has finally crept into the Guyana Police Force (oops, make that Guyana Police Service; the brainchild of the goat man). Mr. Joseph told me many of these mistakes have been corrected already and are being rectified.
One of the most insane manifestations of a two-way street being made into a one-way lane is Water Street from Barrack Street, Kingston, to Cowan Street outside of the GPL. This is another deserted road that is hardly used by Guyanese.
In the night, the road is an eerie, desolate place. I would advise you not to travel there in the night because it is so lonely that anacondas can come of the gutters and attack you.
Don’t come to Georgetown if you are living in Essequibo or Berbice and you just bought a car. In Alberttown and Queenstown in North Georgetown, an invisible man roams the district whispering in the ears of drivers telling them that Caribbean people are so lost and backward that the Caribbean will never achieve anything. He is V.S. Naipaul. Alberttown and Queenstown tell the sad tale of a non-existent culture named Guyana. Drive in Alberttown and Queenstown and if you avoid getting a dozen traffic tickets then you are a genius. There are streets in these two districts that suddenly change from two ways to one ways. There are times when you can’t turn left nor right; you just have to keep going straight. Goat bite de police service.

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