The Emperor really needs to put on his clothes

Sep 02, 2012 Sports

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By Nigel Mckenzie
It’s refreshing to be among those who have heard and believe that, “If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.”
Combined with the above, there’s a quote that can provide an individual with enough focus to tread self-assuredly and sensibly in this rapidly changing world. It reads: “Give us clear vision that we may know where to stand and what to stand for- because unless we stand for something we shall fall for anything.”
And then there’s my favourite tale, “The Emperor’s New Clothes”. I am ever so grateful that Wikipedia, the free online encyclopedia, provides a brief plot, thus enabling me to enhance my preamble without boring you.
Here is that plot: “A vain Emperor who cares for nothing hires two swindlers that promise him the finest, best suit of clothes from a fabric invisible to anyone who is unfit for his position or “hopelessly stupid”. The Emperor cannot see the cloth himself, but pretends that he can for fear of appearing unfit for his position; his ministers do the same.
When the swindlers report that the suit is finished, they mime dressing him and the Emperor marches in procession before his subjects, who play along with the pretense, until a child in the crowd, too young to understand the desirability of keeping up the pretense, blurts out that the Emperor is wearing nothing at all and the cry is taken up by others. The Emperor cringes, suspecting the assertion is true, but continues the procession.”
The sports pages of yesterday’s dailies provide a clear understanding of what we are dealing with – in terms of being dictated to and expected to accept what we hear, without as much as a pertinent query.
In reading the opening paragraph in this newspaper’s article “Sports Ministry looks ahead to Guyana’s Road to 2016 Olympics” I can only assume the vain Emperor (the Culture, Youth and Sport Ministry) now feels absolutely comfortable with his nudity, thus, emphatically dismisses those who are unfit for his position (don’t hold the purse strings) or are “hopelessly stupid” (don’t see things as he does).
He begins purposefully: “The London Olympic (sic) has gone. Much has been said – speculation, opinions, views and thoughts. However, the Ministry of Culture, Youth and Sport has no intention of wasting time with idle talk. Instead, it will walk the walk.”
Woe unto us idle talkers! The Emperor knows the assertions that he is wearing nothing are true, but he insists the procession will continue unrestrained.
Well, I’m certainly not a child, but you can bet your bottom dollar that I will be among the crowd maintaining the cry that the Emperor is indecently exposing himself.
The Ministry’s ‘From now to Brazil’ – with the 2016 Olympics being the focus – might as well have been named ‘From Here to Eternity’ for all I care. There are elements of this strategy that we’ve heard before, are clearly unrealistic, quite bemusing, and in some ways, downright hilarious.
It’s ironic that the caption of an article which appears above the piece with all the stupendous promises, is one in which Rugby officials cite inadequate funds and preparation for the loss of a prestigious title.
Yet, ‘From now to Brazil’, we will participate in the Goodwill Games, CARIFTA, ALBA, South American Championships, Pan Am, Commonwealth Games, CISC, CAS, World Games, Junior Carifta, World Juniors, World Seniors and “other competitions with international recognition”.
Money? No problem, we’ve always had it!
Our country has won one bronze medal at the Olympics. All rational thinking individuals know that mounting the podium is by no means a cakewalk, so we are prepared to take small steps to reach the top. We’ve all been taught by our parents, guardians or seniors that “you’ve got to creep before you walk”.
But this is what the vain Emperor tells his subjects “The principal purpose of this initiative is to direct our attention and endeavors towards the achievement of not merely commendable, but spectacular performances at the 2016 Olympic Games in Brazil”.
Spectacular performances? He’s not only vulgar, he’s delusional!
A boxing gym is constructed and named after one of the country’s standouts in that discipline, but eight years after its doors open, the Emperor suddenly feels a tinge of compassion and decides that his subjects have had enough punishment training on concrete, so he’ll be “converting the floor at the Six Head Lewis Gym to wood and redesigning Six Head Lewis Gym for better comfort”.
I guess just like the Colgrain swimming pool, at the conclusion of this much-needed rehabilitation, there will be the customary ribbon-cutting ceremony with full media coverage and more delusions of grandeur.
Oh, by the way, yesterday was the beginning of Amerindian Heritage Month, and we know the Emperor never misses a beat, so he will be “Identifying athletes living in the interior who have potential of becoming top class and arranging for them to relocate to Georgetown. Special attention to be paid to their education and welfare.”
We await their arrival and special treatment with bated breath.
Having promised all of the above, the Emperor is wasting no time in “Immediately identifying athletes and coaches for specialized training” and he earnestly vows to make arrangements for “qualified local and high level foreign coaches and officials to be involved in preparation of athletes”.
Maybe the Trinidad-born Technical Director of our national football team could tell us whether he feels adequately compensated, financially, for having taken us to heights we’ve never experienced.
High level foreign coaches and officials? To pay them what? We can’t even keep our cherished teachers and nurses, and they don’t ask for much.
I certainly don’t fall for anything, but those who believe everything promised last Friday and want to continue playing along with the charade, should join the vain Emperor, naked as he is, and proclaim that “with cohesion, proper planning, commitment, dedication, co-ordination and the will and passion for success, Guyana, at the 2016 Olympic Games, will definitely match strides with the rest of the Caribbean and the world.”
Yes, and I’m Usain Bolt!
The Emperor really needs to put on his clothes.

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